Wagontire Oregon Hit With BIGFOOT ATTACK!

Wagontire Oregon reeling from Second Sasquatch Sighting in 40 Years! Population Drops 33%!

The buzzing metropolis of Wagontire Oregon is suffering from the depopulating impact of a second bigfoot sighting in the city in less than 40 years. "Yes Sir", exclaimed the City Mayor, "That nasty apeman really put a hammer on our community. We've dropped 33% in loco, er, local residents overnight- from three to two! Crud, we can't take much more of this crazed cunning creature!"

The apparently very lost Sasquatch beastie caught approaching the city of Wagontire in search of stale root beer. 

Efforts by the monster to find rancid root beer were unsuccessful, but it did manage to find some overlooked Mr. Pibb bottles and fossilized BigHunk candy bars sitting on a unused gas pump since 1980. After securing this bodacious booty, the blaring beast beat a trail back to the mountains from whence it came. 

Frightened Wagontire residents hastily closed the main commercial center of the city upon the incredible approach of the nasty man-ape hairy animal thingy. 

A local old-timer recalled the last time such a smelly savage was encountered at Wagontire, "Yep, it sure was a long time ago! 1980s I reckon? Not 1880s, my memory ain't so good anymore", he said scratching his head. "I remember a couple hairy tenderfoot numskulls stupid enough to ride bicycles through here back then... they sure as heck looked like them there sasquatches. They waz Calyfornians... and smelled to high heaven too, whooweee! They came riding into town looking for trouble and root beer, just like that there recent attack. But we showed them furry nasties who's boss. Yes Sir. We closed up the city good and tight, and took the air out them there fancy frenchie bicycle machines.... for them it was 'FLAT-TIRE Oryygon... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

YETI Attack at Crater Lake!

Wild Yeti Spoils Tourist View of Oregon's Crater Lake - - Eyewitness Report!

Sasquatch throwing snowballs at terrorized Crater Lake tourists.

A tour bus stuffed with Fraternal Order of the Royal Gerbil Lodge members from Reno, Nevada was attacked by a "wild and vicious" Yeti over the Fourth of July weekend when they stopped at Oregon's Crater Lake en route to a nearby Progressive Slot Machine Indian Casino. "Yeah, our tour leader said we should get some fresh air before hitting the card tables... I needed a smoke break any-who. He said we'd be impressed by that Crater Lake place, it's a big round hole in the ground filled with water. Well, for once he sure turned out right that time! That Yeti-beast looked worse than any abominable snowman picture I ever saw.... and his teeth... I had no idea teeth could be that shade of yellow." said one shaken Gerbil Lodge member. According to several victims, the manic YETI screeched and threw snowballs at the group ("He's a right hander, 105 mph I think") and wouldn't leave until a quick thinking lodge member threw him a bigfoot ale and a bag of cheezz puffs.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Yeti not Seti Institute in Yuba City, California, was licking his chops. "Once again there is a sighting of a YETI in North America... just as my inspired and unique theory, the theory I thought of and for which only I can take credit for, predicted! I'll pay $3,000 for each YETI snowball those brave Gerbil Lodge members can bring me. There must be Yeti DNA in there somewhere. And don't try any more sneaky "melted yeti snowballs" this time... I won't be fooled a second time!"

Sasquatch Sabatoge at Shakespeare Festival!

"Lunatic Yeti" Barges into Oregon Shakespeare Festival - - Causes Comedy of Errors!

A lost wild Yeti infiltrated the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, wondering the streets of Ashland and amazing local residents. "Hey, I thought he was a Shakespeare tourist.... we get some weird ones here. That ape beast just sauntered down the street like he owned the town!", said one old-timer, enjoying cold Bigfoot Ales. "Believe me, I've seen it all, but never in my wildest midsummer night's dreams did I think a Yeti would steal my beer! An amazing beast.... too bad about its body odor - - that stench could melt a Sherman tank at 30 yards."

The beast caused a chaotic mess when it was mistaken for an avant-garde actor playing an inebriated Sir Toby Belch in the "Twelfth Night". Accidently stumbling on stage during the play, the beast improvised, fooling the audience until chased away by security and enraged theater critics. The New York Times said the performance by the Yeti was "Revolutionary, stunning, furry and dramatic - - a gamey 'back-to-nature' breakthrough in novel Shakespeare interpretations. Even the fleas looked realistic!". Festival organizers are searching for the beast to give him a contract for 2011. "Oh well, all's well that ends well." said one duped actor. The audience gave the Yeti a standing ovation, then were immediately directed to a hastily built delousing tent.

Was Shakespeare a BigFoot?

Breaking Sasquatch News: A rare 1607 painting of William Shakespeare, discovered last year at a garage sale in Somerset, England, has sparked furious debate amongst Shakespearean academicians across the world. Was the Bard a Bigfoot? Rumors are flying that the painting will be put to auction by Sotheby's this fall in London.

"I'll buy that Shakespeare Sasquatch picture for $3,000!"  said Dr. Karl Blinng, "It will look great next to my velvet 'Dogs Playing Poker' poster."

Director of the YET NOT SETI Institute in scenic Yuba City, Calfornia, Blinng was philosophical in a pre-k sort of way. "This is soooo much ado about nothing!" fumed Blinng, "If anyone had asked ME about that Oregon incident, I'd have told them this was no surprise. Yetis are white haired Sasquatch, and it is a known fact that Sasquatches love cultures, especially in yogurt. Measure for measure, these beasts appreciate art in their missing-link sort of way. What they REALLY crave are Bigfoot Ale, Arnold Schwarzenegger action movies, Animal Planet TV, and all kinds of junk food." BigFoot Sightings continues to bring you the LATEST in incredible Sasquatch and Yeti alerts and news, as you like it!