Missing Link Invades NYC Natural History Museum!

Night in the Museum for Bungling Bigfoot - - Locked inside at Closing Time - - Mistaken for an Exhibit. Museum Management Cover-up......

Numb New York City citizens, angry Anthropologists and mummified museum patrons are in an uproar over an alleged Bigfoot invasion of the American Natural History Museum this weekend. Not only did the Sasquatch get inside the museum, but it became trapped, spending a night in the museum when closing time came. 

Sorry Sasquatch trapped for the night in the Natural History Museum,
eating stale vending machine snacks and drinking luke-warm coca-cola to survive.

This brilliant blog has obtained an exclusive interview with a Museum employee: 
"Oh yeah, it happened all right! Our security cameras tracked the apeman - - 'cause as a night shift security professional I waz takin' a power nap - - hey - - union rules, OK? Anyway, all them fleas he left behind was a good trail marker. The monkey man spent a lot of time in the Not-Eliot Spitzer Hall of Human Origins. That place gives me the creeps, you know? All them dead,really old hairy stuffed guys just lookin' at you with them glassy eyes... that Bigfoot was fascinated by them ancient apes and neanderthals, he got really excited when he saw 'em. On the security video, he called one "cousin" and talked to it. Can I have my 40 bucks now?"
New York City expert on Sasquatchology and recently retired politician Antony Weeiner, Ph.D, was in denial. "How do we know that was a Gigantopithecus Revoltus? Someone could have hacked that museum camera security system using Tweeter!" 

Ape Beast caught on camera, fleeing the Museum as it reopened the next morning.

The Bigfoot managed to survive his terrifying ordeal. When the Museum opened the next day, the Bigfoot bolted for freedom. "He ran outta there like a mangy trapped civet cat streaking out of a hot garage!", said an amazed Albuquerque tourist, "After seeing that, we decided to go to Times Square instead."

Museum personnel are combing every square inch of the building for any 'calling cards' left behind by the big ape. "Sasquatches don't use indoor plumbing - - we can confirm it." said a    disgusted museum volunteer.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the aspirational YETI not SETI Institute in recovering Yuba City, California, was amused. "Ha! You know what? I am amused! We have a lot better Bigfoot museum right here at the Institute. We sell really cool Sasquatch t-shirts... $12.95 on sale. I get a 10% commission, how many do you want?" 

New York Bigfoot Strikes Again!

The "Manhattan Monster" raids the Museum of Modern Art - - Avant-Garde Artists Astounded!
New York City residents, already grumpy from a shocking Bigfoot sighting in Central Park last week, have suffered another Sasquatch scare at the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan. The world famous Museum, also known as "MOMA", "U MOMA", "MOMA MIA" and "I Don't Get It" to its many fans, has been closed to the public since the latest scandalous Sasquatch siege.

Beastly Bigfoot Boggled by Bonafide Modern Art.

The hairy creature was spotted amongst "priceless" modern art, gazing gobsmacked at a multi-textured finger-paint masterpiece entitled "Instant coffee stains on my undershirt armpits" or, "les taches de café instantané sur mes aisselles maillot", from the famous, almost dead, French international artiste Pieau Toutalli-Dorque. "I think this modern art bewildered the poor beast", said one New Jersey tourist scratching his head, "to be honest, I'm getting a headache from looking at this stuff myself!"
"Well", sniffed a junior museum curator,"This irritating bigfoot has bad social skills, poor hygiene, eats inorganic junk food, and is not fashionable, but at least this sorry apeman appreciates fine modern art when he sees it!" Museum authorities are relieved the Manhattan Bigfoot didn't use the museum masterpieces as a bathroom, avoiding the Sasquatch sculpture disaster the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao suffered several years ago.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the internationally infamous YETI not SETI Institute in urbane Yuba City, was happy to bandwagon the artsy angle for gratuitous self promotion. "I am an world recognized expert on Sasquatch art, you know. I took a general ed college class in art appreciation once - - I got a "C-", what a humiliation... that professor hated me and she took revenge because I told her Picasso was a demented lunatic with terrible eye-hand coordination - - thank you very much! She'll be sorry one day, when my true genius is recognized!".

Sasquatch Sighting in Central Park!

Bigfoot Spotted in New York City - - Roaming Central Park - - NYC "OMG"!
The jaded citizens of Gotham were astonished this weekend to learn a feral Bigfoot is living in Central Park, right under their stressed out noses. According to Gotham City police, the NYC Bigfoot is scrounging a living near "The Lake" in Central Park, taking advantage of heavy unnatural foliage and lost tourists to hide from Animal Control Inspectors and vicious Park Avenue Poodles.

Amazing photo of a wild Sasquatch roaming the remote badlands of Central Park.

How is this mysterious ape-creature surviving in Manhattan? According to quasi-experts at the Museum of unNatural History across from Central Park, the NYC Bigfoot is probably living off street-cart food and small furry animals. "We know these monkey-beasts crave both fried and junk food", said one scientist, "the beast appears to be foraging plenty of both. We've also noticed a dramatic drop in the squirrel and rat populations on the north side of the Park. Coincidence? I think not!"
City Hall is silent. "Are you kidding me?!", said a deputy junior part-time clerk in the Parks and Wreckreation Department, "If we lean on this Bigfoot ape guy, the Sierra Club will slap us with a endangered mythological species lawsuit in a New York minute! Better to just pretend that apeman isn't there."
Karl Blinng, Ph.D. and Director of the fabulous YETI not SETI Institute in semi-interesting Yuba City, California, was intrigued. "You know what? I am intrigued!", exclaimed Dr. Blinng, "We've known for years that New York City sewers harbor 30 foot python snakes, 60 pound rats, 2 ton alligators and Jimmy Hoffa... so a Sasquatch in NYC should not be a surprise. The question is, does the apeman know how to use the subway properly, or does he jump the turnstile?"