Amazing Aruba Attack by AWOL Bigfoot!

Aruba Aroused by Audacious Sasquatch Abominations!

The touristy Southern Caribbean island of Aruba was the victim of a recent Bigfoot raid, causing panic amongst locals, tourists, small birds and stray mammals alike. "All the piles of disgusting clues point to a strong odiferous suspicion the Sasquatch arrived on a cursed cruise ship and left the same way.", declared a shaken local shop owner.

Bigfoot spotted in Oranjestad. 

Iconic windy Aruba bliss ruined by Bigfoot Sighting: 

Sales of cheap refrigerator magnets dropped by 75% for several hours as tourists panicked. However, local beer sales jumped 250% per local shop owners.

Oranjestad emergency Sasquatch Poop-Map and smell-zone updates. 

The beast left a trail of astonishing volumes of Sasquatch excrement and other bodily fluids during his invasion. The rather raw organic materials deposited by the creature were left to reek in the tropical sun throughout the capital city of Oranjestad, prompting the local sanitation department to go on strike, close shop, and declare a special week's emergency holiday. In a fear-of-recall election panic, the intrepid city council politicos came up with an emergency Bigfoot "Poop Map", inspired by the City of San Francisco's chronic wokey doom-loop problems. "Watch your feet, all walkers beware! Galiña ta laba ku e awa ku e tin!" declared City Hall with awe-inspiring confidence.

Sasquatch beast loitering at Wilhelmina Park. The Queen was not amused.

Aruba's sister island Curaçao was hit by a similar Sasquatch visitation only days before. Authorities on both islands strongly suspect the beast is a stowaway on a casually run cruise ship and is heading to other nearby ports. In response, a major cruise line industry organization, Cruise Line International Of Absconders (CLIOA), declared 'no comment', 'force majeure', 'endangered species act' and denied all responsibility, as usual. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors at the illustrious YETI not SETI Institute in aromatic Yuba City, California, was intrigued. "I'm intrigued! First Curaçao gets hit by this hairball, then Aruba. There is only one cruise ship in the region which fits the exact timeline - "Rapunzel of the Seas"! The cunning ape-man must be a stowaway on that ship. If I'm right, the next stop will be Cartagena, Colombia. Poor Colombia! They should rename this ship "Catastrophe of the Seas"!

BigFoot Bakes Alaska!

 Sasquatch Sighting in Hoomah Alaska! Icy Straight Point Avoided By Cruise Ships!

A rare Alaskan Bigfoot has been spotted ruminating the rusty, err rustic, Alaskan village of Hoonah, located somewhere in the Icy Straight Point region. Panicked tourists and locals alike quickly scurried to several large visiting cruise ships and hurriedly sailed away from the mysteriously remote island as authorities declared a Sasquatch emergency. 

An elusive Alaskan Bigfoot spotted lurking under a village pier, peering into the wine-dark sea. 

"It was ghastly!", exclaimed a recovering entertainment director from the nearby cruise ship Bedlam Of The Seas, "The hairy monster came out of the mountains near the Zippy-Line thingy, charged into a souvenir shop, and scooped up any packages of Salmon Jerky he could find... he gobbled them down plastic bags and all. The aroma was intense... from the beast not the jerky. We had to offer emergency 2-for-1 Rum & Tequila Drink packages back on board to settle down our shocked guests!"  

Hoonah Alaska has suffered other disasters, but none like a unwelcome Bigfoot Sighting!

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors for the semi-notable YETI NOT SETI Institute located in Icy Yuba City California, was a passenger on the Bedlam Of The Seas Cruise Ship and was inspecting Hoonah for Bigfoot feces in fimo when the Sasquatch struck. "I feel sorry for the locals. After being closed for two years due to the pandemic, they were finally open for business and the tourist dollars were flowing! Then this dumb ape shows up and shuts everything down! I hear ex-guvonur Paylen will help bring needed relief supplies to the residents, including binoculars so that folks can see Russia."

Hoonah is famous for a closed salmon cannery, magnificent Alaskan scenery, a monster zipline, salmon specialities, and a huge fire in 1944 which torched much of the original village and priceless Tlingit cultural artifacts. The fire started when two women built a fire underneath a home to smoke salmon. The smoking fire accidently caught some nearby canvas on fire, which sparked an intense inferno and explosions from numerous drums of gasoline the locals had stored underneath their homes. Fire + Gasoline... what could possibly go wrong?  

Malo BIG Bigfoot Adventure at Costa Maya Mexico!

Sasquatch Spotted at Tourist-Trap Cruise Ship Port in Mexico - Chaos Erupts!

A rare Mexico Bigfoot sighting shocked fleecing locals and liquified cruise ship passengers during a big escape inside the heavily touristified Costa Maya Cruise Ship Port. Mexico Border Patrol officials suspect the beast came from one of the multiple cruise ships which crowd the harbor, and escaped by the same route. "¡Ay, caramba! That hairy ape was a Gringo Bigfoot all right! It snuck into stores and bars, broke touristy merchandise, drank too much touristy tequila. The animal even tried to swim with the touristy dolphins without a ticket. ¡Era una cosa muy mala, y muy maloliente!"

CCTV footage released late in the week clearly shows an unidentified 'suspect' pondering the sight of 3 cruise ships parallel parked at crowded but packed Costa Maya.   

"Every effort is being made to find and remove this unwelcome, and what's worse, unpaid passenger from whichever unlucky cruise ship it has stowed away on. The cruising industry will not tolerate Bigfoots, Stowaways, Covid, or icebergs!" exclaimed a harried spokesman for the Global Association of Unflagged Cruiseships, GAUC. 

Iguana Attack! Sasquatches consider Iguanas as delectable as Tender Chicken, unfried. 

Fueled on stolen Margaritas at a beach-side Cantina, the ferocious beast jumped into a Cage Wrestling Match ready to fight anyone or anything. With a clear sense of self-preservation all Humans quickly vacated the premises, taking their tropical adult beverages with them.
  

Attempting to keep passengers calm and blissfully unaware a stowaway Bigfoot might be on board, a "Safety Drill" was held for all unlucky ships in port. In reality the drills were massive man-hunts, er, ape-hunts on the suspect ships while docked at Costa Maya. The wily creature was not found, leading to speculation it was either well-hidden onboard one of the ships or had run away and purchased a great time-share condo deal in Cancun. 

Experts from Mexico's Crypozoological Institute, El Instituto de Criptozoología Morónica, carefully searched the entire area where the beast was spotted but came up with nothing conclusive. "We found an Iguana who looked a little stressed, but no Sasquatch footprints found." 

Erk Holohead, a bored member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in Not-Tropical Northern California, was sympathetically indifferent to the Cruise Ship Port of Costa Maya and the Cruise Ship Industry. "Costa Maya is such a charmingly synthetic tourist trap place. Built in a lightly populated region for the sole purpose of pumping dollars out of cruise ships and into the local economy. It works perfectly! That Sasquatch stowaway sighting is hopefully just a one-off incursion. I hear these cunning beasts prefer Cozumel or Cancun. As for the cruise ship industry, this is just one more cruddy challenge faced in 2022... lingering Covid Variants, mysterious CDC guidelines, paranoid port closures, and now another regrettable Bigfoot incident. Things will get better! I mean, how can they possibly get worse?"

Roatán Ruckus From Sasquatch Sighting!

 Rare Caribbean Bigfoot Spotted on Roatán Island! Cruise Ship Connection? Locals Languid!

Roatán Coxen Hole and East End Islander residents were astounded to see a large odorous Bigfoot scamper through town and into the local hills. "Dat foul hairy beeest came out of nowhere!" said a local island tour operator. "Frightened the Tourists and the Monkey La-La lizards to death. Very bad business!" 

Island Sasquatch spotted at Dixon Hill Tourist Trap. Roatan Rum sales shot up 400% after the sighting. 

The local authorities quickly blamed the Cruise Ship Industry. "Why not blame the Cruise Ships? Everyone else does!", exclaimed the Municipal Mayor, "Dat Sasquatch is a scoundrel and a stow-away!" Such unfortunate Caribbean cruise ship incidents have happened before, including a recent Bigfoot raid on Grand Cayman. "It's a major worry - - what if that cunning creature is stuck on our island?!" said another local. 

The Roatán Bigfoot pondering his next move. Coxen Hole denizens are worried. Did the beastie manage to find its way back to an unsuspecting cruise ship? Any unsuspecting cruise ship? Please?

Erk Holohead, a fully paid up (crypo currency, suckers!) Director of the Yeti Not Seti Institute, had a word of caution for the cruise ship industry. "Be careful. Be very careful! First it was the notorious norovirus plagues, then a bad at-sea plumbing fiasco, then the Covid-19 pandemic, and now Sasquatch infestations! What's next, free drink package offers?! The industry's challenges are formidable." The Yeti Not Seti Institute is located in phlegmatic Yuba City, California, where there are absolutely no cruise ships in port at the present time. 

Caribbean Crazy Over Island Sasquatch Sighting!

Bigfoot Spotted on Grand Cayman Island - - Experts Shocked!

A sullen sub-tropical Sasquatch has been spotted mingling with oblivious tourists in George Town, Grand Cayman Island. Panic was avoided as tourists and locals thought the beast was part of a performing street artiste group. It was only when the animal upended a trash bin looking for stale sushi did people suspect this was no show.

Flummoxed local police authorities have been unable to capture the crafty creature. "Not much happens here on Grand Cayman in terms of your average criminal behavior", said an obsessed government spokesman, "Oh sure we get Yanks driving on the wrong side of the street. We get golf balls hitting luxury condominium windows.... and we get a lot of laundry business in our banks. We're proud of our financial industry... these banks have huge washing machines in the basement. They'll even offer free dry cleaning while you wait. Dollars, Pounds, Euros, Bolivares... it's all legit, I can assure you!"

Grand Cayman Sasquatch Sniffing for Stale Sushi.

The Sasquatch disappeared from the island after a day of balmy havoc and hissy fits. It's suspected the beast was a stowaway on one of the fleet of cruise ships which invade Grand Cayman on a daily basis. The local population is hoping he skulked aboard one of those ships.

Beastie Bigfoot Spotted on South Church Street. 

"Look, I was there when the bigfoot fiasco happened on Grand Cayman. This beast poses a real threat to global sushi shipping and the crazy cruise ship industry", said Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the SETI NOT YETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, California. "Those Bigfoots are mostly idiots. They have a brain the size of a walnut. If you can't expect a typical cruise ship tourist to get on the right shuttle craft back to their ship, how do you expect an Ape Man to do the same? They can't read! That Bigfoot could be anywhere in the world right now, terrorizing port after port. Imagine if it stowed away on a submarine? Egads."

Cruise Ship Chaos from Bigfoot Sighting!

Bigfoot Stowaway on Caribbean Cruise Ship!

In a shocking development for the out-to-sea tourism industry, the real reason a cruise ship recently turned back to port was NOT a massive case of odoriferous passenger gastro-intestinal problems. Nor was the cancellation due to a lack of alcohol and clever towel sculptures on board. No!

We know the real reason. It's almost too shocking to tell the public. In fact, the truth would be irresponsible to share. This news can cause widespread panic!

OK, here's what happened:

A sneaky Sasquatch slipped on board a docked cruise ship in Texas, searching for random leftover chicken wings and flat beer. These ignorant beasts don't understand departure times, and this poor animal was trapped on board when the ship pulled away from port.

SOS! Sasquatch On Ship! 

Amazingly, the marooned bigfoot wasn't spotted until the third day of a seven day cruise by crew members. Whenever a passenger saw the Sasquatch, crew members nimbly explained that the hairy beast was an actor in costume preparing for the famous "Hollywood Regurgitated" Theme Show in the Star-Light Lounge later in the week.

Bigfoot - Master and Commander of Grand Cayman Harbor.

 This alarming hairy situation was successfully kept secret for a few days. Since passengers were either happily inebriated, lost in the vast water park, bidding on famous knock-off paintings, or purchasing luxurious rubberized $300 arch-supports in the Spa, they were blissfully unaware of the furry flea-bitten danger in their midst. 

Concerned Cruise Ship Passengers attend Emergency Bigfoot Meeting. Free champagne for all. 

Eventually the nasty secret came out when the Sasquatch did a large belly flop into the main pool during a reggae jam. A memorable tidal wave and panic ensued at that point. Passengers were calmed by sugary adult beverages with fancy umbrellas stuck in them.

The famous masterpiece "Doggie Stairway to Heaven" on display in the art gallery was miraculously saved from malicious Sasquatch damage.

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors for the YETI not SETI Institute in landlocked Yuba City, California, was an eyewitness to the stowaway bigfoot. "It was horrible. Knowing that you're trapped on a ship with 2,000 drunk fools... oh yeah and that dangerous bigfoot. We were lucky to escape with our lives! Good thing my precious artwork purchased at auction on board the ship survived. What an investment. I'll put 'em next to my Toomas Kincaid collection!"