Sasquatch Sighting in Panamá City! ¡Sasquatch en Ciudad de Panamá otra vez, carajo!

 Persnickety Bigfoot Spotted in Panamá! Clumsy city ape-man targets Tourista Business! 

After a welcome break, another unwelcome Bigfoot has been spotted in Panamá City, Panamá - - once again spoiling the recovering Avenida Balboa and Marbella neighborhoods. "The beast is operating a shake-down operation on tourist operators.", said a special investigations detective from the national Departamento de Investigaciones Repugnantes y Turistas (DIRT). 

The intended target of the Bigfoot's wrath?

In the first attack, the Bigfoot approached a autobus hop-on hop-off kiosk along Avenida Balboa, filled with tourists waiting for the next bus, awed by the heroic traffic congestion just steps away. To the amazement of tourists and locals, the hairy beast sat down on a bench armed with oily day-old carimañolas wrapped in a fishy-smelling newspaper. The ape-man proceeded to eat his ageing snack while avidly reading the newspaper upside down. Needless to say, the area was cleared of tourists, locals, and pigeons within seconds. When a Hop-On bus rolled up the beast got up and boarded the bus. Monkey mayhem ensued! "When my customers saw this, this, this, this ANIMAL hop on the  bus, they all hopped off - - through windows, the emergency escape, anywhere! I lost all my fares except this stupid big ape. So I drove it over to Calle 50 and told him in no uncertain terms that my bus was now off-line, and time to get out. He hopped out. I mean that literally. He thought it was required to hop in and out of the bus, he isn't too bright. Ese simio era muy tonto!" 

Shake-down Sasquatch dropped off in front of the RIU Plaza hotel on Calle 50. Hotel Reservations plummeted.

Police have released a mysterious letter sent by an unknown person(?) to various tourist outfits a week ago. The writer appears to have limited intelligence and is threatening blackmail. The letter is badly scrawled in red crayon on an empty french-fries box. "It looks like an illiterate human wrote it, except for the grease spots and fur all over it.", said an investigator. The letter's contents were short and to the point: "Der Syrs - U hav 23 21 24 ahoras to to lev mi taasti junc fud in ur basuras or mi goin to be mean to ur bizneseses. U warrned! Sinserly, señor Beeegfut"

The infamous Panamá Bigfoot scanning Avenida Balboa, plotting his next catastrophic caper?

 The beast's photo was caught by a shocked Condo Manager using the building's stairs. The ape-man fled before the police could arrive on the scene, as did the condo manager - he gave his resignation immediately after the sighting. "This job ain't worth running into monos malolientes like that one!". 

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI NOT SETI bored of directors, visited Panamá during the latest Sasquatch attack. "I'm shocked some of these Bigfoots manage to find a way down from the USA and Canada to PTY. Panamá needs to tighten up restrictions on their Panama Relocation programs. Amongst all those North American retirees coming to the country, it's way too easy right now for an anti-social Bigfoot with evil designs on the tourist industry to blend-in and even qualify for the Pensionando Program! Call me a snob but the program should be revised to apply to homo-sapiens-sapiens only, if you ask me, not gigantopithecus-revultas. 

Perilous Panama Bigfoot Sighting at Avenida Balboa!

 Aromatically Formidable Sasquatch Ruins Sunday Outings for Local Panamanian Denizens! 

Sunday morning is usually the only time of the week when frazzled residents of Panama City, Panamá can enjoy strolling and riding bicycles on Avenida Balboa without risking certain death from a never ending procession of cars, taxis, buses and renegade raspao carts. But not this Sunday! Thanks to a rare Bigfoot sighting in the city, general panic erupted and the entire area was shutdown while the police looked for the hairy and very sweaty creature. "We couldn't find the beast, again." said a local traffic cop. "These creatures are wily and elusive. Entonces, that is our official excuse anyway."

The Bigfoot was spotted along the Cinta Costera by a terrified tourist. "I smelled it before I saw it, unfortunately."

A local caught a foto of the Bigfoot waving at people gaping at him in shock from the Marina. "These poor guys at the Marina were yelling and screaming and pointing at the beast. I think that dumb creature thought they were waving at him, so he waved back! Then he stole my raspao, the furry cad!"

To add insult to olfactory injury, the monster appeared to sniff his armpits "with satisfactin" when he spotted an underarm deodorant advertisement on Avenida Balboa. "That beast definitely doesn't use a deodorant!", exclaimed a traumatized local. Doctors say the poor victim's nose will recover in a few months.

Why has Sasquatch returned to Panama City? Speculation abounds, but it is thought by certain local university professors in Cryptozoology (a popular class with Freshman looking for an easy grade) that as restaurants reopen from the Covid lock-down, the smells of fried foods have attracted the beast to venture down from the hills surrounding the city. 

Erk Holohead, a delinquent member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute bored of directors, has a special theory regarding Sasquatch and Panamá. "Look. It all adds up. Like 2+2=7. This Sasquatch is incognito. The monster probably has warrants for his arrest all over the place for petty food theft, public health violations, and other amazing crimes back in the States. The FBI want to 'talk' to him. A lot of Gringos from the USA and Canada are moving to Boquete, which is also an attractive habitat for hairy ape-men. Some of these gringos may have seen this Bigfoot in North America and could ID him in an instant. That big Ape has gone to the big city to hide out until the coast is clear. Plus, it loves fried foods. Can't resist 'em." 

Posh Panama Perplexed By Bigfoot Sighting!

Perturbed Panamanians Panic, Pout, and Pontificate on Rare Sasquatch Sighting!

Panama City residents are in a uproar, more than usual, over multiple sightings of a reclusive Panama Bigfoot in formerly fancy ocean-front neighborhoods. The hairy ape-beast was spotted haunting Punta Pacifica, Punta Paitilla, and the Cinta Costera neighborhoods, apparently searching for raspao and left-over artisanal pizza slices.

Sasquatch Spoiling Posh Punta Pacifica - Condo Prices Crashed within Minutes!

A local Punta Pacifica realtor was shocked. "I was showing some potential buyers a nice condo unit in Bahia Lotte Grande, the building formerly known as the Frump International Hotel & Tower. I had those buyers hook, line, and sinker. Cash sale! But it all turned into a real stinker once they saw that ugly sasquatch thingy loitering around the main entrance plaza. People were astounded! I had to discount that unit 25% to get the deal done. I'm going to write a book on this, called 'The art of the Bigfoot deal'."

Bigfoot caught Gazing at the Cinta Costera. 

The Cinta Costera is normally full of happy fashionably jaded joggers, willful walkers, scattered students and toasty tourists. These people move much faster than the traffic on nearby Avenida Balboa. But not today. Once word spread of a Bigfoot sighting the place emptied out within minutes. Sanitation experts closed the formerly scenic pathway for hours while checking for any bio-hazard souvenirs the beast may have left behind.

Panama Sasquatch Sours Punta Paitilla.

Punta Paitilla was not spared from the Sasquatch's big Panama adventure. Sightings brought street traffic to a virtual standstill, but no one in the area could tell the difference.

Bigfoot Saunters Past Club Union. Membership Plummets. Keep Walking Bigfoot!

The classy Club Union in Punta Paitilla received a hairy hit from the Panama Bigfoot incursion. After the beastie was spotted sauntering by the exclusive Club membership cancellations were rumored to have tripled, though management is not commenting.

Erk Holohead, a dues paying bored of directors member of the YETI not SETI Institute in bone-dry Yuba City, California, was paranoid about Panama. "I'm paranoid! There have been a diaper RASH of puzzling Panama Bigfoot sightings in recent years, but no one is taking action! No one is talking about it! Well, except for the 25 independent candidates running from the President of Panama in 2019, but no one listens to them anyway."

This brave blog has been tracking Bigfoot activities in Panama for years. The evidence is clear, something pernicious is happening in Panama, and positively involves a nasty ape-man with poor public hygiene.

Bigfoot Sighting near Panamá City! More Pánico in Panamá!

Tropical Terror Titillates Taboga - - Island Paradise Punctured by Sasquatch Appearance!

The formerly peaceful, slow-placed "Island of Flowers" offshore from Panama City has become the "island of weeds" after an aromatic Sasquatch was spotted roaming the streets of Isla Taboga during the normally sleepy, mellow, and placid middle of the week.

Terrified Taboga Tourists gaping at waving Sasquatch.

Lulu Lomax, an appalled touristic Aggie day-tripping eyewitness, couldn't believe her eyes. "I couldn't believe my eyes! Nor my brain either! Here we were enjoying a quiet stroll down a quiet street in Taboga, when a hairy apeman jumped in front of us and started waving like a maniac! Oh sure, it looked friendly enough for an attitude adjusted ape-monster, but it wanted our fried yucca chips. Making unhealthy food choices combined with bad hygiene.... that Sasquatch suffers from high cholesterol levels and evil body odor, poor brute."

Another Aggie visitor, Keeeener Kmesz, was calm but curious.... "I'd heard about Sasquatches from my family up in Montana. There's even an ancient rumor that one of my great-great-great-grandmothers was part Sasquatch. But I looked down upon such drivel, and never believed these crypto-creatures could exist, until today. I've seen the furry beast with my own eyes! I gonna change my major to biomedical crypto-zoololgy... this is cool, I think? I hope it pays? Oh, make sure the 'K' is silent in my last name when you write your world-scoop news story."

Only mad dogs and bigfoots go out in the mid-day sun. 

The siesta hour mean streets of Taboga quickly emptied of formerly relaxed people, indifferent dogs, calm cats, and confused chickens as word spread of the amazingly sanguine Sasquatch Sighting.

Safety First? Sasquatch ignoring "PELIGRO WARNING: BIGFOOTS" signage at Restinga Beach. 

Erk Holohed, a member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, which is dedicated to the study of crypto-zoological creatures and the fleecing of unsuspecting Institutional investors, was not amused. "I'm not amused. This Bigfoot island attack hit too close to home. I was on Isla Taboga that same day, conducting an important experiment measuring the cumulative effects Cerveza Panamá, Ceviche, Patacones, Cerveza Panamá, and Seco have on the human brain. All paid for by a Federal Government research grant! Suckers. But that ape-beast almost ruined my experiment! Good thing I didn't include fried yucca chips in the dosage scheme."

Historical Bigfoot Sightings in Panamá:

• Wild Bigfoot Spotted on Taboga Island in Panama! 
• Panama Jungle Bigfoot Spotted in Darién Gap!
• BigFoot Causes Panic in Tropical Paradise!
• Jar Jar Bynx Found Dead in Panama.

Sasquatch Scene at Panama Park!

BigFoot sighting at Avenida Balboa Park Complex in Panama City - - Business District and Residents Evacuated!

Authorities confirmed that the same "sorry" Sasquatch that raided the still-recovering Panamanian luxury resort Buenaventura has badly damaged a public park along Avenida Balboa, triggering an evacuation of several hotels and banks, and forcing Panama Yacht Club members to quickly put out to sea in a chaotic scene 'straight out of Dunkirk".

Bigfoot ignoring sanitation rules in Panama City.

Perplexed Panamanian Sasquatch Ponders Probable Park Potty Options:
According to a surprised jogger who took this amazing photo, the Ape-man decided that since Bigfoots weren't drawn on the sign it was OK... it wasn't.

"Perhaps that hairy beast went to enjoy the ocean view", said a local lawyer, "pero he really messed things up. Qué desastre! But I am strangely happy in a legalistic sort of way. I expect client lawsuits from this BigFoot crisis, mucho dinero hay posible! I'm going after that hairy beast's offshore bank accounts... even his secret Swiss Sasquatch Stash. Estoy muy seguro de que podemos extrar mucho dinero de este fiasco Sasquatch, es un buen negocios!"