Sunday, October 25, 2009

Jar Jar Bynx Found Dead in Panama

Star Warz Actor Murdered by Panama BigFoot?
"Bynx Had Too Many Enemies to Know Who Did It" say Panama Police.

Panamanian officials announced today the "Mystery Creature" found dead near the town of Cerro Azul close to Panama City was in fact the infamous sci-fi movie actor Jar Jar Bynx,  known for his Oscar wrecking performances in the later Star Warz movies.

Former Star Warz science fiction actor Jar Jar Bynx, found dead in Panama.
"Connecting recent BigFoot sightings in Panama with Jar Jar Bynx's death is just happy speculation." said the Inspector for Alien and Strange Creature Homicide Investigations, Ruebben Raffael Rodolffo Ramirezz, Jr. "That smelly Sasquatch has caused plenty of chaos in Panama lately, but the hairy beast hasn't hurt anyone yet, unless you count small furry animals and pigeons. I doubt this Sasquatch has a vendetta against movie actors, even really bad ones like Señor Bynx."

Georj Mukas, Jar Jar Bynx's Agent, released a statement to the press. "Jar Jar was in Central America preparing for our next big film. It was a blockbuster SciFi action documentary with Mr. Bynx in his next big starring role, leading a heroic quest searching for Yetis in Icy Antarctic Glaciers in tropical Panama. It had such potential! He will be missed??" There are unconfirmed reports of spontaneous "I hate Bynx" anti-fan-club street parties sprouting like wild-fire across the globe. Riot police are responding in force.

Panama has been hit with a string of incredible sightings and attacks by BigFoot creatures recently. "This Jar Jar Bynx affair confirms something puzzling, pernicious and perplexing is going on in Panama!", according to Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, "I am saddened, Jar Jar Bynx (sniff) was the best actor who ever lived. Excuse me (sniff) but this is a very emotional moment for me." (blows nose)

Jar Jar Bynx lead a troubled existence since his 'acting' appearances in the Star Warz films. He reportedly ran into financial problems after years of leading a lavish lifestyle on the French Riviera. Jar Jar sold his cherished Malibu Beach mansion to fellow actor Chewtobakka in an attempt to pay off his growing debts, and was rumored to have checked himself into the Betty Ford Institute for Undeserving Hollywood Losers in 2008.

See Jar Jar Bynx's last movie: Star Wars: Bye Bye Jar Jar
Bonus Critics Review of Jar Jar the Actor: "The Bunker" TV Show


Anonymous said...

Good Riddance, I say! That SOB Jar Jar ripped off my acting style, copied my persona... stole my schtick!

Oh sure, I tried suing him, but that loser claimed he'd lost all his wealth playing Mah-Jong at Macau Casinos. He declared bankruptcy... couldn't touch 'em. Bynx Spynx!

Roger Rabbit, Retired

Anonymous said...


Sincerely; Yoda
Grand Jedi Master, Retired

Living the party-on lifestyle in Sun City, Arizona.