More Summer Sasquatch Roadtrip Sightings!

Road Trippin' Bigfoots Go Crazy in the Summer of 2026! Texas and California Hit Again!

More disturbing reports of Bigfoot Sightings during preposterous summer road-trips have surfaced yet again in Texas and California. Why? For what purpose? Leave us alone already!

Luling Texas Loco After Bigfoot Spotted at Buckeees!

The small town of Luling Texas is famous for the famous Luling Watermelon Thump... and having the largest convenience store in the world. Weary travelers searching for gasoline, clean restrooms, and lots of stuff they never knew they needed stop in droves at the even more famous Buckeees off I-10... and were furiously flabbergasted to meet a skulking Sasquatch face-to-face!  

Bigfoot and Buckeee, best pals forever. Witnesses said the odorous monkey-beast tried to talk turkey with the stoic beaver. "He isn't too bright", said a store manager." 

Shocking staff and customers alike, the Sasquatch pondered the World Famous Jerky Wall for some time before grabbing an armload of the stuff and running out of the store, towards Woman Hollering Creek. "He liked the Jalapeño Jerkys... he cleaned us out!", lamented the store's World Famous Jerky Specialist. 

The Bigfoot thankfully avoided using the ultra-pristine sparkly-clean NASA approved restrooms. Erk Holohead was amazingly coincidentally there during the Bigfoot Attack. "He preferred to do his business in a pasture behind the large Buckeees Barbecue Sauce Tank out back. The alarmed cows were not amused. I feel sorry for the cows. I feel sorry for the water table! Jalapeños in large quantities is a recipe for a disaster. Call the Governor!"

Good Hike Nearly Spoiled by Sasquatch Sighting in San Ramon!

A Sasquatch crossed paths with a gang of Hikers in the hills near San Ramon California. The incident raises multiple questions of how hikers can protect themselves from amorous Bigfoots.

 

The lost hikers fully expected the Bigfoot to attack or at least throw fecal matter in their direction, but it strangely and semi-sedately crossed the human's path and utterly ignored them. "I don't know whether to feel relieved or snubbed!", said one mystified rambler.

Divot Looney was a member of the ambitious San Ramon hiking expedition, and feels rather lucky. "For once I wasn't attacked by a Bigfoot. It must be my new defensive strategy... I use soap now, and I carry a bar of soap with me when in dangerous Sasquatch Country... soap to a Bigfoot is like garlic to a vampire. I read that somewhere..."

 

Dr. Karl Blinng warned Divot not to get complacent. "You better be prepared, fool! Next time also use a deodorant! Ahhh, your fellow humans will also appreciate this small gesture of civilized personal hygiene." Erk Holohead also offered unsolicited advice. Why not? "Whatever you do, don't use scented deodorants near Bigfoots. Some of those underarm scents act as extremely powerful aphrodisiacs to Sasquatches of both sexes. I'm still experiencing PTSD over an unfortunate incident years ago!"

Bigfoot Caught Lurking at Russian Gulch California!

Kikki Dumpster, an avant-garde photographer from trendy Sacramento experimenting with artistic yet moody-fern-school-black-and-white photography accidentally caught a Sasquatch sneaking around in the background. "I was very proud of my fabulous fern shot, but that big ape-man spoiled it. I'm sick of nature, I'm going back to taking photos of Soup Cans!"   

A rival green-fern-school photographer (they are fiercely competitive) also reported a one-in-a million fern-photo opportunity bombed to smithereens by a nasty Bigfoot. "I was in Russian Gulch State Park, trying to beat my evil career nemisis Ms. Dumpster to an irreplaceable artistic-fern-photo-shoot location, when that THING came bounding through and spoiled my shots and trampled the priceless ferns. It was horrendous! I guess I'll have to go back to photographing dog portraits again, curse that hairy beast!"