Brazos River Bigfoot Sighting! Texas Sized Sasquatch Troubles!

Brazos River Bigfoot Fiend Louses Local Nature Preserve!

Texas is being terrorized by a vandalizing nasty simian brute sighted along the Brazos River, near the formerly sedate town of Richmond.

"Our precious semi-natural wetlands preserve has been smashed and contaminated by a rare Gigantopithicus Revoltus", said Richmond Mayor Snevylin Smoore, "By the way, we're looking for a new Animal Control Officer. You know anyone? Experience not required. The last guy - -  he saw the large foot-prints and amazing excretory piles left behind by that ape-man and fainted!"

Sasquatch caught by a remote camera along the Brazos River. It has poor personal hygiene habits. 

Sightings of the creature were captured by remote cameras set up by the local MUD district. "We were looking for idiot teenagers drinking beer and smoking weed",  said a MUD manager, "but we never caught 'em, we forgot to put batteries in the cameras. BUT once we figured that part out, these amazing mysterious photos of a Sasquatch beast showed up. We saw his disgusting casual personal toilet habits up close and personal. It was horrible. I'm in therapy now trying to forget it all".

"Ah, My Bad!" Brazos River Bigfoot admits to polluting the Hilmar Moore Nature Preserve, located at formerly scenic Fort Bend County MUD 140.

"On a scale of one to ten, this bigfoot contamination event is a sixteen", said a mysterious visitor wearing a burnt orange biohazard suit in the forbidden zone, "This muck makes Chernobyl look like a cake walk."

'Squatch Cam' Captures Cute Cuddly Selfie Close-up of Bonafide Brazos Ape Beast.

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI not SETI Institute bored of directors, is convinced there is an evil bigfoot conspiracy at work - -  involving bovines. "You'd think that a 'squatch disaster of this scale would reveal tons of Bigfoot DNA! But there is none to be found. Mysterious men in burnt orange biohazard suits landed in helicopters with long-horn decals and quarantined the area, removing suspect fecal matter, hair, and other nasty Sasquatch evidence. Plausible deniability? Evil is at work. EEEEEEVIL!"

"The clues add up. We know that evil University of Texas at Austin graduate students conducted an illegal and unauthorized rain bomb weather experiment over Texas A&M in College Station last year. They screwed up, of course, and we know that the resulting deluge and flood swamped the Brazos River all the way down to Freeport. We know that numerous obnoxious river critters, including poisonous savage snakes, aggressive alligators, woolly wild hogs, smelly skunks, AND reclusive feral Bigfoots were displaced by the rising water and were forced to seek refuge in the many local Sugar Land area precious planned communities conveniently located 50 feet below the historic flood plain."

"We KNOW these evil things! But did we know that a typical UT graduate student looks and behaves like a Sasquatch? They DO! Connect the dots! We must all be Texas A&M Aggies now - - and saw off the horns of EVIL!". BEVO's spokespersons refused to comment on this amazing true fake news.

Bigfoot in Texas: Fort Bend County is located on the far southwest side of Planet Houston, a huge orb extending thousands of miles in all directions, especially during rush hour. Numerous Bigfoot sightings along the Brazos River have been reported for years. It's suspected that the wild Sasquatch population is attracted to the area by a string of Whattaburger dumpsters in the area, as rancid french fries are a coveted food item.

Bigfoot spotted at Brazos River - - Texas nature trail shuts down in panic!

Rare Sasquatch Snowstorm in Houston Brings out Bothersome BigFoots!

Sasquatch Terrorizes Brazos River Texas!

Sasquatch Terrorizes Texas Sized Water Park!

Sasquatch infiltrates Schlitterbahn Water Park in Galveston - - Panic in Tube City!

Park officials are silent concerning reports a wandering Bigfoot invaded the Schlitterbahn water park, but visitors know what they saw - - and it was hairy, smelly and repulsive. "The wave pool scared the heck out of him - he kept looking for sharks!", said one park guest, "That beast was more interested in poaching french-fries than doing water rides, what a smelly pig.", said another.

Five eye-witnessess to the alleged Bigfoot foray into Schlitterbahn Galveston were so heavily traumatized that they had to eat second helpings of Dufus Dots - Ice Chunks  of the Future! ®. Lulu Lomax from Richmond Texas said "We wer like texting people we no about the lazy river ride and like we got hungry and wanted Dufus Dots but they didn't hav strawberry and like, we want strawberry but they only hav blueberry-banana or chocolate vanilla LOL so we texted about  - what drama - and then we got chocolate vanilla instead and OMG that ugly cave man runs past and like we wer scared 2 but BTW we 8 our Dufus Dots anyway, u know?"*. 


Immediately after the Bigfoot incident the five victims were placed into a Dufus Dots witness protection program and now live in Bluebell, Texas.


Briian Lerkey, Pseudo-Expert on Sasquatchology ("I have a Ph.D., dang it!") at Rice University, was puzzled. "What I don't understand is why didn't the BigFoot also invade Moody Gardens? It's right next door and the french-fries are just as good there. Perhaps the penguins scare them? These ape-beasts are truly mysterious... there is much we don't know about them. For example, no one knows if Bigfoots prefer Coke or Pepsi... too many questions, not enough answers!"
*A Translation into English is not available, nor theoretically possible.

BigFoot Blizzard of '09 Haunts Houston!

Breaking News:
Rare Sasquatch Snowstorm in Houston Brings out Bothersome BigFoots!

"They Came Out of the Raging Blizzard Like Crazy Ice Men, err... Ape Men"... Exclusive Photos!

Snow wasn't the only bizarre natural disaster to hit Houston - Sasquatches made dramatic appearances in the area, alarming local residents, birds and small furry mammals.

An amazed Richmond Texas resident took this amazingly rare photo of a Sasquatch stomping along the Brazos River after the extremely amazingly rare blizzard. "Even with the cold air, the beast stank to high heaven!".

Houston BigFoot scrounging for frozen food snack

 A lost deer hunter, cut-off after the blizzard, spotted this BigFoot intensely digging for food in the frozen wasteland after the snowstorm. "The creature was really focused, scrounging for frosty Gerbils - - they don't move so fast when half-frozen. Frosty Gerbils are a Sasquatch snack popsicle."

Houston Sasquatch makes yellow snowcones

 Another amazing photo of a BigFoot near Sugar Land looking for yellow snow to make Sasquatch snow cones.
"I gather this species isn't too bright?" said the eyewitness.

These new multiple Sasquatch sightings sparked another round of debate about BigFoots in Texas. A Rice University expert on Texan Sasquatch populations , Briian Leerky Ph.D., is convinced they are real. "BigFoot is not Bogus in Texas... and hey, I keep my tenure if these sightings keep happening, you know? This is a good gig!"

BIGFOOT CREATURE SPOTTED IN TEXAS

Sasquatch Terrorizes Brazos River Texas!

Lost hikers on a Brazos River nature trail came face-to-face with a large, hairy and smelly creature that can only be a Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch. "We ran right into him", said JJ Rupert, a local resident. 

Wild Bigfoot spotted by the Brazos River.

"I'd never seen anything like it, except at the Fort Bend County Fair!" said local Richmond resident Lucy "Lulu" Lomax, "When I saw the ape-man, I thought I was hallucinating. Luckily I took the pictures quickly or nobody would have believed us!"
The eye-witnesses said Bigfoot looked a bit distracted. BigFoot was caught in these amazing photos crossing a path when he was spotted. Sasquatch's body odor reminded the startled hikers as "smelling like onions, fried not sauteed, with just a hint of garlic".

Sasquatch terrorizing hikers on Brazos River Nature Trail.

Karl Blinng, Ph.D. in Sasquatchology and Director of the YETI not SETI Institute and Research Center in Yuba City, California was estatic. Bling said "This is a historic moment, we long suspected that the Sasquatch population had a range that extended east of somewhere I've forgotten, but never did we think that these creatures would be found along the Texas Gulf Coast. I have authorized the payment of $ 3,000 to obtain these proof-positive photos from those brave people who took them! At last, we have solid evidence BigFoot exists! Not like last time."

BIG FOOT WATCH NEWS will continue to cover this amazing story.