Mystery Ape-Man Mingles with Mortified Touristas in Old Town Cartagena!
Confounding local police and customs officials, a yanqui bigfoot was discovered tagging along with a tour group in the old town section of Cartagena. The cursed tour originated from the cruise ship "Catastrophe of the Seas". Colombian officials say the simian was a stowaway on the ship and managed to return to the same vessel after the 5 hour excursion... "A walking tour of old town Cartagena in high heat and humidity, Bataan Death March Style! Refreshments Served."
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| The tour group completely ignored the Bigfoot, mesmerized as they were by the lovely Getsemani area, the amazing heat and humidity levels, and the variety of Pablo Escobar t-shirts on sale everywhere. |
An observant local lounging around at the Plaza Aduana spotted the Sasquatch in the afternoon. "I could not believe my eyes! I ask them, I ask my eyes, I ask them 'my eyes, what are you seeing here?' I first I thought it was that nasty dictator in Venezuela, Manure or Maduro, I can't really remember his name. But then I see this beast in the plaza was not exactly human, you understand? It was a caveman gone wrong!"
This Sasquatch infestación is not the first time these rabid beasts have been spotted in Colombia. An infamous sighting occurred in 2013 in the beautiful city of Bogotá. The monkey-man animal panicked local business types and caused a mini-recession in the downtown sector for months. Fortunately, no Bigfoots were spotted again until this recent shock from Cartagena.
Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, expressed dismay. "I am dismayed! Poor Colombia gets hit again by a hairy hominid animal with questionable personal hygiene habits. Coincidently I was in Bogotá in 2013 and Cartagena in 2024 when both great cities were subjected to this Sasquatch business. In fact, I was also on the "Catastrophe of the Seas". This is purely an amazingly improbable coincidence, you understand."
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