BigFoot in Berlin!
Sasquatch Sparks Panic and die angst in Germany!
Exciting reports have been flowing into this self-important Bigfoot news organization from Berlin, citing numerous reports of repulsive Sasquatch sightings in this large, flat, and formerly complacent German City. |
| Strolling Sasquatch Spotted departing the HaufbonHaus Train Station. |
An astonished group of American tourists from Martinez, California were highly upset when a large, flea-ridden, and overly aromatic Sasquatch emerged from the First Class carriage that they were about to board. "It was disgusting!", said one of the tourists, "I had a reserved seat and that beast managed to infect it with mange and God knows what else! We cancelled our trip and took the bus." Station police are now on high alert, but it is suspected the roving BigFoot is long gone after ransacking several station garbage bins for filthy fried food leftovers.
Berlin Wall bears Bigfoot Bounce:
 |
| BigFoot Barges into the Berlin Wall. |
Police speculate the hominid was running from a dangerous pack of feral dachshunds known to roam the area and ran into the wall by accident. Berlin city officials promised a prompt repair and power-washing of that section of the wall to remove substantial body odors and biological contamination the beast left behind.
Speculation is rampant inside Berlin psuedo-political circles that this mysterious and unwelcome Sasquatch is actually part of a stealth terrorist attack launched by the Greek Red Syraz party in revenge for Germany taking a leading role in forcing Greeks to pay their overdue bills, stop rampant tax cheating, get jobs, stop leeching off the EU, keep their promises, and stop being Greeks bearing gifts. Government ministers suspect that Yanis Varoufukis, the former Greek Finance Moron, is actually the attacking Bigfoot, come to reek havoc on his EU enemies.
Is Yanis Varoufukis really a Bigfoot?
"The evidence is solid, like Greek Yogurt gone stale.", said Erk Holohed, a board member of the nearly prestigious YETI not SETI Institute, "Only a certified idiot or a Sasquatch, or both, would engage in such self-destructive political and economic behavior with their nation and creditors. Mr. Varoufukis may be a Bigfoot with a low Sasquatch simian IQ. This is a very logical irrational market explanation."
 |
| Brandenburg Gate Bashed by My Big Bad Greek Idiot BigFoot. |
To add insult in injury, the Bigfoot was spotted at Berlin's famous Brandenburg Gate, sending testy tourists fleeing in all directions. "I'm afraid we'll have to close the monument if we keeping getting nasty furry Sasquatch visits!" said a city official.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in fabulous Yuba City, California, was vexed. "I'm very vexed!", said Dr. Blinng. "I went to Berlin this summer thanks to a special conference on Crypto-Zoology paid for by the generous contributions of the financial patsies, er, supporters of our fine scientific research organization. Did I see any Bigfoots? NO! Scheissenbedaurn!"
Poor Germany has a history of being harassed by Belgian and Greek Sasquatches. Learn more about the notorious "Hamburg Bigfoot Incident".
