Priceless Bigfoot Artwork Destroyed!

Art World Stunned at Wanton Destruction of Precious Bigfoot Creation!

A tragic loss to the world of questionable art!

Unique Million Dollar Artwork Destroyed in Seconds:
Dr. Karl Blinng recounts his great money-printing art idea and terrible disaster: "That crazy Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan was my true inspiration. I mean come on! Selling bananas duct-taped to walls has made him a millionaire! How hard is that to do? So I thought, why not create a unique one-of-a-kind Bigfoot Ginger Bread Cookie? I could sell it to some gallery sucker... errrrr.... art connoisseur... for millions! Yeah, that's the ticket!". 

At this point, Blinng became misty eyed. "So I made my long-suffering sister bake one for me. Yes, it's true I did hold her at gun-point until the cookie job was done, but all is forgiven. I accepted her apology for doubting me. I then had my precious cookie masterpiece. Even that moron Erk Holohead said my bigfoot cookie was 'without value'... in other words... it was invaluable! I was destined to be rich beyond my wildest dreams! Hahahahahaha!" 

"Then disaster struck. I shall have nightmares. Our fool of a lawyer invited himself to my home, as usual, demanding snacks and root beer. The hired help became busy putting together Ricard Scheister's usual afternoon nibble measuring in around 2,000 calories. My back was turned on my precious Bigfoot Cookie for just a minute. That was enough time for that imbecile to scarf the entire cookie! A precious multi-million dollar piece of artwork destroyed in 60 seconds! Thwarted by idiots, again!"

Among the many research projects designed to attract grants and donations from the tragically naive, the YETI NOT SETI Institute, located in well-baked Yuba City, California, has instituted a crash program to develop similar multi-million artworks at little or no cost. "When concocted properly, the ROI on silly art is astronomical. We're looking at duct-taping ripe watermelons to walls. If a banana can bring in millions on auction, a watermelon should bring in... billions?" opined Holohead.

Famous Sasquatch Museum Closes. Attempt to Save Artifacts for the YETI Not SETI Institute Fail.

YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE ATTEMPTS RESCUE OF SASQUATCH MUSEUM ARTIFACTS! POLICE INTERVENE!

Get this Amazing News on our official YETI-not-YETI sister website:

Heroic President-for-Life of the YETI-not-SETI Institute thwarted in attempt to rescue priceless Bigfoot artifacts! Released on Bail.

Don't Ask. 

Paris Pouts After Sasquatch Sightings!

Hairy Parisian Disaster! Catastrophe Parisienne Poilue! Bigfoot sauvage soirée disgusts Paris denizens!

Comment décrire ce sacrilège? C'est plus que dégoûtant!

Paris France, the City of Lights, the City of Love, the Capital of Fashion, the City of Strikes and Barricades... has become, quelle horreur, the City of Les Bigfoots, le gros pied le plus terrible? Oui! It is true!

Palais Garnier, the iconic Opera House of Paris, was the scene of operatic frenchified panic when the Bigfoot beast sauntered by the Opera House in the Haussmann district. 

The North American Sasquatch was encountered by disturbed locals and tourists alike at the Eiffel Tower, in the Haussmann Boulevard area, and more. "We had to cancel several days of performances at the Palais Garnier." cried a devastated artistic administrator, "Two flighty Sopranos and a bewildered Baritone refused to sing until the Bigfoot was long gone. It wasn't over until the fat lady sang."

Bigfoot at the Galleries Lafayette. Holiday season sales plummeted 50% after the beast went "shopping". 

Napoleon's tomb was not spared monstrous Sasquatch indignities most foul.

Haussmann Boulevard was not spared from Sasquatch sorties. The Bigfoot made an appearance at the Galleries Lafayette, disrupting shoppers and staff alike. The general manager sniffed to reporters after the recent unpleasantness: "The homme singe seemed to be looking for food scrapes. He missed our gourmet food hall across the street, better than Harrod's I tell you! Well, this nasty beast is an animal after all and can't read? The homme singe à fourrure was impressed with the central gallery and the Christmas Tree being erected for the holiday shopping season, but it had no money to spend and was ruining our business! Oui, I took action décisive - I sent the monkeee to our nasty down-market competitor Printemps Haussmann next door. They think they are all that, fools! That should teach them to respect their social betters! C'est une bonne chose!"

The Tomb of Napoleon suffered through a Bigfoot infestation. Reports that Napoleon himself turned in his grave are not confirmed and cannot be taken seriously. However it is rumored that he did switch  his arm inserted in his coat from right to left. 

As to be expected, the Sasquatch sightings have created a diplomatic incident between France and the USA. The Sasquatch sightings are described as "Une autre invasion méchante des Américains". A sensible mais belliqueux diplomatic complaint of the highest order has been delivered to the American Ambassador, threatening the blockage of the term "French-Fries" in the USA in retaliation. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors for the Francophone YETI not SETI Institute in the gallic province of Yuba City, California, was dérangé over the entire Bigfoot incident. "I am deranged! I mean, I am bothered by these Parisian Sasquatch sightings. I've been to Paris a few times and have never seen a bona fide Bigfoot. I've seen folks who look like Sasquatches in Paris, but never authentique. Bon, this calls for more vin, escargots et cognac, it's already 10 in the morning... one must enjoy French Culture!"

Paris has been the victim of an earlier Bigfoot invasion: "Paris Panics as BigFoot Trashes Train Station!"

NEW JOISEY NUMB AS SASQUATCH SIGHTINGS SOAR!

New Jersey Denizens See DOZENS of Bigfoots! Floating Flatulence in Air?

A panic is gripping New Jersey! (Translation: Nieu Joisey)

Mysterious enemy flying drones? Massive Martian Invasions? New York reclaims the Statue of Liberty? No! Something far, far worse: a ferocious furry flurry of smelly Sasquatch creatures is scouring the Garden State! Except for Newark International Airport... it's already scoured. 

Hey, who cut the cheese? Bigfoot is prime suspect in Joisey!

Reports of Sasquatch sightings are coming in from all parts of New Jersy. "Der I waz, sittin' in traffic like always on de Joisey Turnpike, doin' nuttin'. Then all a sudden, dis crazy ape-guy runs across the road - - chased by, I swear to God, a bunch of flies and a pack of demented howling chihuahuas! That monkey-man had his hands full of old disco fries. Dem dogs were gonna get a piece of that!", exclaimed a commuter. 

An amazing photo of a New Jersey Sasquatch in the wild, capturing the beast prowling the dense forests and swamps of idyllic Hoboken. The wonky wildlife photographer who took the shot has strangely disappeared. Police are looking for him in cement mixers across the state.

A bizarre exhibition focused on Sasquatches and Flying Drones opened at the same time sightings were reported. "25 dollahs per poisen they charge! Armed robbery I tell youse. Look, it's as if THEY knew this waz gonna happen, capish?" said an anonymous state official shaking down vending machines. No dough exchanged hands for this secret interview, got it?!

Dr. Karl Blinng, Chairman-For-Life of the YETI-not-SETI Institute located in swampy Yuba City, California, released this important statement for the press:

"We at the Institute are extremely concerned with recent reports of flying Bigfoots being seen in New Jersey. Furthermore... ah... wait a minute. Ahem! Let me rephrase that. My speech writer is an idiot. I'd fire him but he's blackmailed me so he keeps his job. Right! We at the Institute are extremely concerned with recent reports of flying alien DRONES seen in New Jersey. Bigfoots are spotted all the time. If we can just capture one of those hairy beasts alive.... gosh darn it to heck! But demented DRONES in Joisey? None in NYC or Philly? Who knew?"

Anxious Amsterdam Self-Medicates After Appalling Sasquatch Visit!

 Bigfoot Barges into Amsterdam! Barge operators in chaos! Semi-Controlled Substances sold out!

Quaint, picturesque and free-floating Amsterdam was stunned when a North American Sasquatch was seen lurking around the central district. "Dis hippie-beast really wondered around the tourist areas, causing many problems for us! Where are the Nationale Politie when needed?", exclaimed a frustrated local shop owner selling organically grown mood enhancers. 

Strange Sasquatch Beast spotted on Canal Tour Boat! Passengers were close to passing out after the on-the-water olfactory ordeal. 

"A one hour canal tour! It'll be fun, the tour guide said. That's what they promised!", said a tourist from Des Moines, Iowa. "Well, the nasty aromas venting from that Ape-man made it feel like a three hour tour! Yep, that's it... a threeeeee hour tour... excuse me I feel like getting sick!"

The Amsterdam Sasquatch was seen multiple times lurking in the Rembrandt Square
area day and night. "Ya sure, 'dis ape-man liked hanging around here,  you know? Plenty of  leftover fried Dutch fast food, good stale beer, and special gummys stuck on the sidewalk."

The Sasquatch lingered in a shop dedicated to a unique assortment of enhanced chocolates and gummy concoctions. Since none of the products were fried or rancid, the beast lost interest and searched for old soggy Oliebollens. "Oil Balls" in the King's English. 

Eyewitnesses claim the Beast walked into a shop which offers haircuts, tattoos, and whatever. Shocked, the store management pushed the hairy crypto-creature out and locked the door. "

The shop owner was firm in his response to this hairy invastion. "Maak je een grapje? Als we die harige gast een knipbeurt wilden geven, waren we failliet gegaan en was mijn personeel gestopt! Bovendien had die idioot geen geld. Hé, wil je wat tatoeages?" Translation: "Are you kidding me? Trying to give that furred dude a haircut would have bankrupted us, and my staff would quit! Besides, that fool had no money. Hey, you want some tattoos?"

Erk Holohead, a member of the Bored of Directors of the laid-back and mellow YETI NOT SETI Institute in high-altitude Yuma City, California, was observant. "I observe", opined Holohead, "That Amsterdam is a unique city. You would think a lumbering Sasquatch would stick out like a sore duim, but the reality is the beast blended right in!"

Wonky Washington DC Woes Worsen as Bigfoot Spotted in Capital!

SASQUATCH SPOTTED NEAR NATION'S CAPITAL! FRANTIC SPOTS CLEAN-UP UNDERWAY BEFORE CONGRESS ESCAPES FOR HOLIDAYS!

A seriously lost lobster industry lobbyist caught the Sasquatch on camera near Congress. "Hey, I thought she/he/it/what? was a Senator! Only when I looked at the photo did I realize this creature was a Congressman."

A general but subdued total, complete, and yet underwhelming panic enveloped Washington DC this week after the Bigfoot sightings. As usual Federal security personnel are staying Mum. "We don't talk to no one! Unless some difficult conspiracy theory she/he/it/what? nut issues a Congressional Subpoena, then we'll talk at them but not to them. It's a great game. We deny, they imply! Keeps us all young." 

Sasquatch strolls by the Smithsonian Museum. Primate pandemonium erupted in the Anthropology department, with several senior Ph.D.'s submitting their retirement notices.

The Smithsonian Museum was hit by a Bigfoot walk-by just hours after the Capital Hill sighting. Turmoil erupted in the museum, sparking intense debates on how to treat this overwhelming evidence that North America is home to at least two humanoid (bigfootoid) species! 

A special museum ideology squad quickly pivoted to include Sasquatch into their ongoing narratives attacking politically incorrect aspects of history. "It's obvious these suppressed hairy-enhanced creatures are victims of systemic species-ism, forest imperialism, and greedy corporate fast-foodism scraps.", sniffed a senior DEI HR manager. "Only entitled home sapiens would see otherwise. Flea infestations, public defecations, body stench, food scraps and clouds of flies are part of Sasquatch cultural heritage - - to be embraced! We might propose sending crazy crypto-reactionary humans to reeducation camps - - once we get past the next four unpleasant years. I may move to Canada anyway, at least I keep threatening to?" 

Bigfoot spotted at the Thinking Rabbit Statue. Why Not?

Dr. Karl Blinng, President for Life of the prestigious YETI not SETI Institute in sparking Yuba City, California, was philosophical about the recent Bigfoot sightings in the nation's capital. "Washington DC is full of career politicians and family members with partial or full Sasquatch ancestry, how else can their behaviors be explained? Drugs? Stupidity? Bribes? Poor Personal Hygiene? Naaaaaah. It all comes down to bigfoots! Until Bigfoot DNA testing becomes mandatory, we'll never know how many congressmen, senators, presidents, supreme court justices, federal reserve officials, dog-catchers and many other federal employees are in fact bigfoots or partial bigfoots. Saints Preserve Us!"

Scurrilous San Diego Sasquatch Sighting!

 Bigfoot spotted in San Diego! Demented Denizens Disbelieve Their Affronted Eyes.

Encinitas, California locals, Venezuelan Cartel members, and tourists alike were shocked to see what appeared to be a bizarre bona-fide crypto-creature ambling thorough the dazed streets of this idyllic Pacific Coast town.
 

An amazed tourist caught a Bigfoot in camera, minutes after a "Bigfoot Poop Alert" Map was hastily updated in Encinitas, California. 

The creature appeared smitten and puzzled by a day-of-the-dead maiden statue. "I think the beast was working up the courage to ask her out on a date. The aroma of old fried tortillas eventually distracted him away."

Bigfoots and Refried Beans: An unfortunate combination!

Sasquatch spotted at the statue of Spanish Explorer Juan Cabrillo. Speculation has long swirled around Cabrillo - - did he discover Bigfoots, or just California beach bums? 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI-NOT-YETI Institute located in the surfer's paradise of Yuba City, California, had some Sasquatch theories to share. "I have some theories to share. I conceived of these brilliant theorems all by myself, after extensive thought, cold pizza, and a bottle of top-shelf tequila. Namely, Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo was himself a bigfoot! Who else but a Sasquatch would squander his massive fortune searching the parched coast of Southern California for water, food, and crushed ice? Then eventually die from a broken leg on Catalina Island?"

My other genius theory is just a brilliant. The SoCal Freeway system was designed and implemented by Bigfoots! Nothing else can explain the I-405. Absolutely nothing."

Tahiti Titillates as Sasquatch Sullies Surfing Competition!

French Polynesia Pummeled as Barging Bigfoot Breaks Taboos!  Papeʻete Panics!

Forget grass skirts, coconuts, and beautiful hula girls. Forget balmy breezes, Firi firi, and romantic tropical sunsets. No, forget it all. A nasty Bigfoot has stepped ashore. "Tahiti may never recover from this insult!", explained a shocked te pae tahatai beach bum sipping on a high-octane pia, "Why would a smelly Sasquatch would come here to our island paradise, of all places! Send it back where it came from!"

Ape-man captured on camera at Tahiti beach during sunset. "That was no beautiful tropical island girl! Nice hair, though..."

The beast mysteriously appeared during the French Olympics, where Tahiti was hosting both the World Champion Surfing and  competitive Bubble-Bath competitions. 

Grotesque and gamey simian sighting near the Grottes de Mara's cave complex.  

Tahitian animal control officials suspect the creature was hiding-out in the Grottes de Mara's caves between rancid fried-food raids, but the island police were too disgusted to find out. 

The Sasquatch spotted at a local shopping mall searching for a Polynesian food-court and spreading mites, tics and odeurs nauséabondes et désagréables in the process. The famous untrademarked Olympics Symbol in the background, rivaling the logo super-glued onto the Eiffel Tower, had to be fumigated and restored at great cost. 

Clues abound, but airline and customs officials are left absolutely clueless!

How did the beast barge into Tahiti? How did it get there? These questions are stumping pseudo-naturalists and cryptozoologists across Oceania. Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YET NOT SETI Institute located in Yuba City (the South Pacific of California's Central Valley), has some ideas. "I have an idea! It's even my own idea. I'm rather excited about it. This Bigfoot came over in a modified outrigger canoe! Very modified. As in, it was as wide as a whale, ah... so was the outrigger. Why did it cross the Pacific Ocean from the USA to Tahiti? How do I know? Do I know what goes on in the Sasquatch Mind? Don't be a fool. I barely know what goes on in my own head!"

¡No otra vez! Asqueroso Bigfoot Sighting in Cartagena Colombia!

Mystery Ape-Man Mingles with Mortified Touristas in Old Town Cartagena!

Confounding local police and customs officials, a yanqui bigfoot was discovered tagging along with a tour group in the old town section of Cartagena. The cursed tour originated from the cruise ship "Catastrophe of the Seas". Colombian officials say the simian was a stowaway on the ship and managed to return to the same vessel after the 5 hour excursion... "A walking tour of old town Cartagena in high heat and humidity, Bataan Death March Style! Refreshments Served."

The tour group completely ignored the Bigfoot, mesmerized as they were by the lovely Getsemani area, the amazing heat and humidity levels, and the variety of Pablo Escobar t-shirts on sale everywhere.  

An observant local lounging around at the Plaza Aduana spotted the Sasquatch in the afternoon. "I could not believe my eyes! I ask them, I ask my eyes, I ask them 'my eyes, what are you seeing here?' I first I thought it was that nasty dictator in Venezuela, Manure or Maduro, I can't really remember his name. But then I see this beast in the plaza was not exactly human, you understand? It was a caveman gone wrong!"

This Sasquatch infestación is not the first time these rabid beasts have been spotted in Colombia. An infamous sighting occurred in 2013 in the beautiful city of Bogotá. The monkey-man animal panicked local business types and caused a mini-recession in the downtown sector for months. Fortunately, no Bigfoots were spotted again until this recent shock from Cartagena. 

Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in tropical Yuba City, expressed dismay. "I am dismayed! Poor Colombia gets hit again by a hairy hominid animal with questionable personal hygiene habits. Coincidently I was in Bogotá in 2013 and Cartagena in 2024 when both great cities were subjected to this Sasquatch business. In fact, I was also on the "Catastrophe of the Seas". This is purely an amazingly improbable coincidence, you understand."

A NEW BIGFOOT SIGHTING IN SHOCKED SINGAPORE!

SINGAPORE SLAPPED SILLY AGAIN WITH SASQUATCH SORTIE!

The usually well contained island nation of Singapore was rudely subjected to a new Bigfoot sighting, causing rare disorder in this most orderly of nations. 

Infiltrating Bigfoot Versus Pink Orchid Singapore Bambi. 

"I say, we were visiting a most exciting Orchid Garden Park in Singapore when IT happened.", said a shocked tourist. "We really like the paintings showing flowers and animals in colors not found in nature, except for at Chernobyl. Suddenly, this vile smelly animal appeared in the park and made a foul stench! At first I thought it was my mother-in-law, but to my horror it was a gigantic hairy ape-man! The beast appeared to be interested in junk food thrown into the local dustbins. It tried to eat an orchid but spit it out... too vegan for him I think?" 

Bigfoot spotted at Changi Airport! Did it actually board a transpacific flight?

The same day, a local Singaporean about to board a gambler's direct flight to luxurious Las Vegas was astounded to see the same ape-man lounging around Changi Airport. "I was amazed! I immediately called my bookie check on the odds of a Sasquatch ever venturing into Changi, it is around One Trillion to one against! I took that bet for the future... it's a sure thing. I didn't spot him on the flight... wherever he went it wasn't Vegas."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-for-Life of the Luxurious YETI not SETI Institute, was skeptical of this recent Bigfoot sighting. "In my years of intense study into Sasquatch behavior, DNA, bodily fluids, and mating habits, I've never encountered a Bigfoot eating orchids. But consider... if the hairy 8 foot tall beast ever made to The Strip in Las Vegas I bet no one would notice him in the crowds. They've seen 'em all. He'd just blend in. And if he had $100 on him they'd let him try out their slot machines!"