Foggy Bigfoot NOIR Crime Wave in NoCal!

Hairy Bigfoot Gang Marauding in Northern California! Police "Powerless"! Batman "Missing"! Something's "Fishy"?

In what looks to be a shaky but coordinated crime spree, a nasty gang of unhygienic Sasquatches has been stealing frozen cod liver oil and freshly rancid fish from hotels, marinas, and terrified fisherman. "These apish criminals are mere amateurs in the annals of crime.", stated a famous private detective based in San Francisco, "But what they lack in intelligence they make up for in moronic enthusiasm. They are smelly, dumb, and dangerous!"  

Two of the Bigfoot Gang caught on security camera casing an overpriced Vacations Ruined By Owner Cabin hiding near the Russian River. 

Reports of overturned garbage cans, ransacked potato chip bags, and enormous piles of pungent simian fecal matter have overwhelmed the local constabulary in Guerneville. "Oh sure, we get your normal local crazies saying they've seen a Sasquatch here, but we've never had to deal with actual Bigfoots! Our attorney general says they are a protected species, so our options are limited. We must try to talk to these beasts and convince them to move on the next county. Always a good strategy, normally. But have you ever tried talking to a Bigfoot?", said a harassed Sheriff's Deputy. 

Suspected Sasquatch gang member spotted casing a marina on the Sacramento River Delta. Multiple thefts of 2-day old fish and organic fried chips were reported.

 

The Bigfoot crime wave has hit normally soggy Marinas on the Delta. "They came in the fog", said one incurable fisherman, "They shook me down! I had to give them all the fish I caught plus my precious bags of organic high-fat briny-fried potato chips. Boy was I mad, but there was nothing I could do. These Sasquatches are a protected species. My trusty .45 I always carry for deep-water fishing trips was useless. Hey, don't laugh! A .45 shot at point-blank range into the water always helps me reach my fish limit for the day! Fishing pole not needed! You gotta bring a net though. Yeah, bring the net."  

 

Security Camera captures Bigfoot Gang Member lurking around a Pirates Lair.

Authorities are closing in on the gang. A Marina known as a Pirates Lair has been associated with multiple reports of Bigfoot sightings. "Say, we might have something there!", explained a retired local police chief, "Time to send out the Bat Signal!". He is quite retired, at this point. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in fishy Yuba City, California, had a comment on the Bigfoot Crime Wave of the Century. "These beasts are soooooo DUMB! They should be robbing banks or something. At least break into a potato chip factory and gorge themselves senseless. Morons!" 

Erk Holohead, the Institute's propaganda and revenue director, had an idea. "Yeah... I've got an idea... yeah. This time it's a good one! We put on monkey suits, see? Then we go for the BIG money and rob banks, casinos, and museums, see? Yeah... the coppers will never figure it out. They'll blame the Bigfoot ape-boys. Dis'll be a lot more fun than scamming widows and orphans!"

Bigfoot Spotted in Catskills and New Joisey! Where's Jimmy?

Novel New York and New Jersey Sasquatch Sightings! Another hairy-raising reason to leave NYC? 

The Catskills and Northern New Jersey were the scene of wonky wildness Bigfoot action and needless speculation as multiple sightings were made in formerly scenic areas of both states. State and local officials are pleading with the tax-paying natives to remain calm and NOT move to Florida or Connecticut. However, some state officials in New Joisey ain't talkin', no-how.

 

"Where's Jimmy? I know he's around here, somewhere."

 

The New Jersey Botanical Gardens was the scene of multiple Bigfoot sightings, scaring visitors green, horrifying horticulturalists, gobsmacking gardenias. Estimated damage to the Botanical Garden's flora exceeds $300,000 due to toxic bodily waste functions unleashed by the Sasquatch. "The ape man looked intense, like he was looking for someone. I wouldn't want to be around when he finds 'em! I bet he's another one of them kooks who thinks Jimmy Hoffa was used for fertilizer around here. Naaaaa, that ain't it. Guess again, punk!"
 

The Beast caught on security camera at the Botanical Gardens.

 

The Catskills in New York State were not spared a Bigfoot scare. Authorities really don't know why the simian bothered to go there, but speculate it was attracted by multiple breweries in the region. "Bigfoots like rancid fried foods and stale beer", stated a local wildlife expert. 

 

Catskill Sasquatch Surveying His Domain. 

The beast managed to frighten tourists visiting a local waterfall and pool before they headed onto a stale beer brewery tour. "That monkey-man decided to take a bath in the pool! He smelled a 1,000 times worse than wet dog. We was stuck against the cliff for an hour before that hairy-nut-job waltzed away", exclaimed a thirsty visitor. An emergency environmental clean-up team is urgently working on the area, and hope to reopen the pool and falls in 2029. This is the State of New York, after all. 

 

Wash and Wear? Fleas Beware!

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in musty Yuba City, California, pontificated on the latest Sasquatch sighting. "As I pontificate, I can't help but admire the sound of my own voice. Ahhh, wait a minute, wrong press announcement. Ah, here it is, stuck in my left ear. Yes. OK! We at the institute are shocked at the recent sightings in New York and New Jersey. Shocked, I say! What I want to know is just where are all these breweries in the Catskills? More importantly, where are all the moonshine stills?"

Sasquatch Spotted in Amish Country!

Local Amish and Noisy Tourists Bothered by Bigfoot Sighting in Pennsylvania Dutch Country!

 Lancaster County Pennsylvania is well known for its Amish folk, intrusive tourists, and the world's largest buffet - - the Shady Character Smorgasbord. What it hasn't been known here are obnoxious smelly Bigfoots, but that happy fact is rapidly changing for the worst. 

The Simian was caught on camera trying to board a tourist bus headed towards a large all-you-can-eat buffet. It had no ticket and was refused entry. 

Throughout the Pennsylvania Dutch Country, reports of animals acting strangely were common. "Horses, goats, cows, dogs, cats, squirrels and gerbils have a special aversion to the smell of Sasquatches, you know", an Amish farmer pontificated, "However, the pigs seemed to enjoy the company". 

Bigfoot Buggy Thief!

Police stated that several horse buggies were stolen by the adventurous Apeman, but he didn't get far. "Them horses weren't going to pull that mangy beast if they could help it!", said an officer, "That monkey man had to abandon ship and hoof it to the forests to avoid detection. He had an arm load of suspicious looking old scrabble with him. My guess is that his stomach can handle it!"  

Dr. Karl Blinng, President For Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in the heavily Deitsche town of Yuba City, California, had an opinion on this event. "I'm opinionated. My opinions carry great weight in the Sasquatch Research Community. Just ask me! Anyway, these sighting in Amish Country are remarkable. Also remarkable is that I haven't tried fresh Scrapple yet!"

New Bigfoot Sightings in the Redwoods! Get High and Space Out?

Sasquatches Spotted in California Redwoods! Antique Hippies and Evasive Marijuana Farmers Stoked Up!

Incredible Bigfoot Sightings have started piling up around Humboldt Redwoods State Park like so much, er, cork-wood. Concerned locals not connected to bigfoot tourist business in the region are starting to, like, FREAK OUT, man!

A hairy hiker caught this hairy Bigfoot scampering across the Redwood Forest. "The beast was either hunting lunch or was on a fun run!", exclaimed the amazed day-tripper. 

Bigfoot Pack scouring the Humboldt area?

Aromatic physical evidence in the form of scattered dung heaps is rapidly piling up on the forest floor. "Yep, it looks like a gang of these rascally bigfoots are scouring the area - - looking for old human food, unhealthy snacks, and cannabis plants!", surmised a perturbed park ranger. "It's rare to see this hominid group behavior in the wild, but then again anything about a Sasquatch is rare!"

Sasquatch Gang captured on remote forest camera before shutting down! The camera was reportedly disabled by copious amounts of Bigfoot urine. 

Local Bigfoot Tourism Jumps:

The recent Bigfoot sightings have sparked a rebound in the regional Sasquatch Tourism Industry. "Hey this Bigfoot scam, er business, is a lot better than selling pork rinds and cheap beer!"

Bigfoot "Odeur de Cheveux grass" sales up 75% at certain select quality Sasquatch theme convenience stores. Why this is happening, and who is buying them, is a mystery we don't want to solve. 

Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the pesky, make that persistent, YETI-NOT-SETI Institute issued a major press release from his Yuba City headquarters. "Hey folks, don't be fooled. Those bigfoots spotted running around the Redwoods are real! I am raging with anger at the Bigfoot Convenience Store industry, however. They refused to sell heroically posed 1/14 scale statues of ME in their stores. What idiots! These imported statues are made of the finest virginal resin plastics, lovingly sprayed with gold glitter for a stunning impact. My name is glorified on the pedestal. Every home needs one!"

Erk Holohead, COO, CFO, CMO, O-NO, and keeping a low profile to comply with a recent IRA audit, announced plans to sell the glorious leader statues directly to an adoring public. "Yeah. Well. Right. So... we have around 10,000 of these amazing statues stuffed in boxes in my garage. We're going to announce a special 3-for-1 sale soon. Perhaps a 10-to-1 sale. Credit Cards, Debit Cards, and Cash are accepted as payment... especially Venezuelan Bolivares."

Bigfoot in Argentina: Buenos Aires No Bueno No Mas!

Sasquatch infiltrates Buenos Aires! "Malos Aires" in the breeze!

 As feared, a disgusting gringo Bigfoot beast entered the formerly glorious Argentine city of Buenos Aires after his unpleasant escapades in balmy Patagonia. 

Amazing photo of the simian searching for ageing left-over Choripán at street cafes.

"Ese mono simplemente caminaba por nuestra calle y cogía lo que le sobraba de las mesas de los restaurantes. ¡No tenía vergüenza! ¡Parece que él tampoco tiene papilas gustativas!" said a traumatized local attempting to enjoy his afternoon merienda in peace. Translation: "That monkey animal simply walked down our street and took whatever left-over food he wanted from restaurant tables. He had no shame! Apparently he has no taste-buds either!"

Sasquatch getting into the waving game at Restaurante La Biela. 

The Bigfoot was fixated by over-sized statues gracing the entrance of the Restaurante La Biela in central Buenos Aires. He aped (of course he would do that) the statues by waving at all passer-byes. "Our business, she drop-a 50, no 75, NO 100% when that crazy monkey stood outside!", exclaimed a shocked manager.

Crypto Beast Meets Mystery Meats!

Ham? Beef? Mutant Chicken Legs? Rhea? Whatever this meat was, Bigfoot was entranced and hungry.

Sasquatch lurking near the statue of General Manuel Belgrano.

Dr. Karl Blinng, President For Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in the Pampas region of Yuba City, California, was mortified. "I'm mortified! This beast was lost in the icy wastelands of Patagonia. I honestly thought we'd never see that stupid big Ape again. But look! He's hanging around Buenos Aires causing trouble! How did this dimwit crypto-creature get to Argentina in the first place? Walking through the treacherous Darien Gap, across the icy Andes, and through the vast malarial Amazon? I don't think so. He's dumb, but not that dumb. I'm confident he smuggled his way to the Southern Cone by ship or plane. He doesn't have frequent flier miles, that's for sure."

London Bigfoot Strikes Again!

Blimey! London Bigfoot Infestation Continues! Millions of Minions Mortified!

Londoners have been irritably inconvenienced by another sleuthy Bigfoot sighting. Sasquatch sightings continue in Central London and even (God Save The King) at Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch caught wondering around Trafalgar Square. Nelson was not amused.

Trafalgar Square Sighting!

It was a lovely damp, cold, drizzly English Sunday morning. Trafalgar Square was filled with distracted student groups making day trips, Pigeons eating left-over food in trash bins, Pigeons dive-bombing startled tourists, polite bums sleeping rough around the area, mediocre coffee shops, and more. Then a Bigfoot showed up. At first no one gave the ape-man any mind, but when the beast started chasing pigeons away from the bins so he could have his own Sunday brunch the crowd became alarmed and rushed pell-mell into the National Gallery seeking safety. In desperation, they were forced to wonder aimlessly and look at old paintings of fox hunts, earls, and dukes until the all-clear signal was given. Pigeons hate Sasquatches, these rats with wings fled the Trafalgar Square area and didn't dare return for three days. Locals want the Sasquatch to come back! 

Bigfoot and Mr. Bean spotted quite near Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch Sighting at Windsor Castle!

In a serious security breach a Bigfoot was spotted not only in the village of Windsor but inside the actual Castle complex! Fortunately the Royal Family was not at Windsor though some intruders who looked like Prince Andrew and HRH Meghan were seen trying to sneak into the Castle grounds. Officials are not talking. Whispers of a crypto-beast cover-up are rampant.  

Shocked tourist captures the horrific moment an odorous Bigfoot sauntered by a main gate at Windsor Castle.

Pall Mall Sighting! Horse Guards and Ghurkas Gobsmacked!

A bystander caught the back of the London Bigfoot's head during the parade. "I was going to tell him to move and not spoil my shot, but self-preservation told me otherwise!"

Bystanders were shocked when the Sasquatch appeared at a Horse Guards Parade, which also featured a Fighting Battalion of Gurkhas. The sudden arrival of the Bigfoot sparked a predictable equine pandemonium. With their keen sense of smell Horses hate Sasquatches. The parade quickly became a shambles as the horses were speedily sent off to their stables to recover. The plucky Ghurkas regiment became animated and excited, mistaking the hairy simian for a YETI. Parade formation was disrupted! Ghurkas get a little homesick at times. A good 'ol hairy YETI sighting from back home always gets their spirits up.     

British officials are mum on the sightings. Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI not SETI Institute, which is conveniently located nearby a day-old bangers and mash joint in Yuba City, California, was not mum. "I'll not stay mum about these incredible London Bigfoot sightings. I'll stay mute! Yes, I've been paid off for my silence, along with a blackmail threat to reveal certain grey-area financial dealings to the IRS if I don't keep quiet. But I will say this about that... these Bigfoot sightings in London aren't over, except for Mayfair... it's way too posh for Sasquatches."

¡Increíbles estupideces! Bigfoot Sightings in the Southern Cone! Argentina Blames Chile Blames Brazil Blames Argentina!

Patagonia Pummeled by Odoriferous Mangy Sasquatch! Iguazu Falls Drys Up from Bigfoot Blunders!

A seriously wayward North American Sasquatch has caused a series of regrettable multinational 'incidents' deep within the Southern Cone of Latin America affecting Chile, Brazil, and Little Italy (otherwise known as Argentina). 

Patagonia Glaciers Despoiled by Chill Bigfoot:

A busload of naive tourists who payed big bucks to take a promised tour of Copacabana Beach during the infamous Rio Tanga Swimsuit Season were heartily hoodwinked and cheerfully diverted onto a nature tour deep into the freezing wastelands of temperate Patagonia. One perma-frosted North American attempted to take a photo of a huge glacier field when the Bigfoot barged right in front of his camera. "I was photo-bombed! That beast came up to me asking for unhealthy food choices! Fortunately I had some old pork rinds in my pocket. That kept the furry monster busy and I could make escape back onto the bus. I'm pretty sure we weren't in Rio de Janiero anymore?"  

Bigfoot encounters Iguazu Falls. 

Iguazu Falls Flatulence Flattens Tourists at now desiccated landmark!

The same busload of confused tourists were taken to a major landmark between Argentina and Brazil, the world famous Iguazu Falls, even though the tour guided stated they were visiting the Amazonia city of Manaus. "You know", said another dazed tourist, "I'm beginning to think booking this cut-rate local tour operator was a mistake? I mean, this looks nothing like Montevideo?" 

In an amazing coincidence yet another tourist's photos were photo-bombed by a Sasquatch! "Hey, that falls was a great water show! Better than Niagara or that time I had a water pipe burst on the second floor of my house. But when the water stopped the Falls were bone dry! What happened? Did we forget to tip the River Management?" The blockage of the Iguazu falls was quickly determined to be a chaotic dam thrown-up with old tires, pork rind bags, and matted mangy fur. "It was a dangerous Bigfoot that blocked the river! Between the tires, bags, and the beasts own loose hair, a dam quickly formed. Fortunately we were able to unblock the smelly mess with three tons of dynamite. We only needed 40 pounds of explosives... por qué no... but what the heck. We drank a case of Yatay Liqueur and had some fun!", exclaimed a rather relaxed Argentine Park Ranger. 

Sasquatch hiding in Patagonia?

It is suspected the Bigfoot has retreated deep into Patagonia. Patagonia is a hospitable region of the world famous for large cosmopolitan cities with 24 hour pizza delivery, vineyards, parrilladas, and charming blasting winds coupled with brutal antarctic temperatures which can deep-freeze a live elephant in 35 seconds. A dead elephant in 25 seconds, so we've been told. Dr. Karl Blinng, an expert on Patagonia, Sasquatches, and Frostbite, had some icy comments on this theory: "Fools! Patagonia is no place for man nor beast. Even crypto-beasts! OK, so if YOU were a Bigfoot, which would you choose? Teeming Buenos Aires with a million poor fried food choices to steal... errr liberate... OR a frozen wasteland where one can't even get a soggy day old frozen empanada? I rest my case. This gringo Sasquatch is hiding out in Argentina. He'll be back!"

London Thrown for a Loop by Bigfoot Train Spotter!

Scary Sasquatch Observed at St. Pancras and Victoria! Harrods Hectic from Ape Man Visit!

Multiple eyewitness sightings and camera footage indicate a mangy North American Sasquatch has descended upon London to wreak rotten wrack and ruin. "All superficial resemblances to the current President of the United States are not valid. We've spotted a real-life bonafide Bigfoot in Central London! The animal can apparently travel on trains and the Tube. It has an Oyster Card! Rigorous precautions are being taken. We urge the general public to NOT PANIC whilst this simian emergency is ongoing. We'll let you know when it's time to panic.", said the distracted Metropolitan Police Commissar Bark Wrufley. 

Mysterious Sasquatch seen at Victoria Station! It is suspected the beast took a local commuter train to Eastbourne, third class.

Harrods Under Siege!

Not only does this Bigfoot travel on trains, it apparently 'shops' at luxury department stores! Harrods became the target of the Sasquatch when it roamed through the massive 25 square-mile store and became utterly lost. "The Monkey Man carries neither cash or credit cards, he is not our normal customer profile. He eagerly raided the Food Halls and ran out with £500 worth of Foie Gras & Truffles tins. Good taste on that one. Our security team could never catch him. We trailed the apeman by his distinctly dank and unpleasant odors until we hit the 50 square-mile Perfume Halls... our sense of smell was completely overwhelmed by the heavy onslaught of £1,000 fragrances... one of our security team passed out. We lost the hairy devil at that point. I still can't smell right!", exclaimed a Harrods store detective. 

Security Camera spots the dazed and bewildered Bigfoot wondering aimlessly about Harrods, desperately attempting to escape the multiple 500 square-miles of Women's Shoes Floors.

Window-Shopping Sasquatch near Harrod's on Brompton Road.

Escape to Paris?

London authorities are baffled regarding the current whereabouts of the creature. It is feared the beast will strike again. While a photo from a digusted Frenchman shows the Bigfoot apparently on the Chunnel Train headed to Paris from St. Pancras, nothing is being taken for granted. "This beast knows how to use the Tube, take trains from Victoria Station, and shop at Harrod's. Yet this Sasquatch simian has absolutely no concept of personal hygiene! I fear it will return to haunt us. It may be here now!" 

The disgusted Frenchman on the Chunnel Train had just a few words to say on the monkey matter: "Bleu sacré! Ces Anglais sournois causent encore plus de problèmes! Restez simplement hors de l'Union européenne, comme vous le souhaitez!"

Sasquatch marauding in Paris next? 

Erk Holohead, a member of the YETI Not SETI Bored of Directors, passed a warning on to Londoners. "I'm afraid England has been the scene of multiple Sasquatch sightings over the years, from Manchester to Mayfair. This Bigfoot is a wile beast with the ability to lay low, survive on old fish & chips, and travel at will. I hear rumors of it lurking around London landmarks. We're not done with him yet!" 

 

Recorded Bigfoot Sightings in England:

 

Queen's Train crosses paths with British BigFoot - -
Sasquatch Security Cover-up Denied!

 

BigFoot spotted again in central Manchester, sparks frantic ape-man-hunt by police.

 

Manchester Man-Ape Mystery: UK Sasquatch Spotted and on the Loose in England! Mancunians Gobsmacked by Hairy Intruder in Central Manchester...

Bigfoot Sighted in Montana Mountains!

BUTTE MONTANA BECOMES THE BUTT OF SASQUATCH JOKES! CRACKERVILLE SPARED!

Incredible camera feed from a remote glamping cabin deep within the treacherous Montana mountain wilderness has clearly spotted a watchful Bigfoot loitering on the ice and snow encased property. This intrepid blog eagerly paid $3,000 in Venezuelan Bolivares to acquire these precious photos. 

A chill Montana Bigfoot is seen on film, surveying the deep-cold-storage Glamping Cabin. 

The grizzled owner of the cabin was shocked at the Sasquatch camera images. He was even more shocked when our 3,000 Bolivares check bounced a few times before it was all accidently sorted out. 

"Yep, I rent the place out during the dead of winter. Freezing Cold! Ice Age stuff. That Error B and B website... they're paying for my Winter Condo in Fort Lauderdale! That forsaken cabin ain't got no heat, no electricity, no expresso-maker, no indoor plumbing, no phone, no cel coverage, no fancy 'artysanal' beer... but them fool city-slicker flatlanders will pay big bucks anyway to glamp in desolate remote winter wilderness. 

So far, so good, until now. Only a few paying guests suffered from frostbite, and wolf-bites heal pretty quick if you douse 'em in whiskey. Besides, my guests have to sign a 40 page liability agreement before I let 'em stay. But this hairy Bigfoot hanging around has me worried for my business! I included bear attacks, wolf raids, coyote infiltrations, mountain lion ambushes, errant hunter near-misses, wild forest fires, cholera and dysentery, unabombers, gangster hide-outs, poisonous snakes, super-volcanoes, landslides, asteroids, falling trees, UFOs, alien abductions and other nasty stuff in the agreement, but completely overlooked feral Sasquatches! I gotta talk to my lawyer pronto."

Excellent highly-pixelated poor-quality photo of the Montana Bigfoot. We have standards when it comes to sharing Sasquatch Proof!

Erik Holohead, a Bored of Directors member of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in glacially locked Yuba City California, was curious. "I'm morbidly curious about monstrous mountainous Bigfoot-filled Montana. This Sasquatch Sighting is momentous! Did it merely pose for the camera, as Bigfoots are known to do... or was it planning a mid-winter cabin raid to find really frozen daiquiris? Second, how did the Institute's $3,000 check finally go through and get cashed? Bad form! We had the payment blocked once we obtained the precious photos... our standard procedure. I'll going to give our confused bank manager a good verbal thrashing!" 

Definitive Proof of Sasquatches in Montana!

Priceless Bigfoot Artwork Destroyed!

Art World Stunned at Wanton Destruction of Precious Bigfoot Creation!

A tragic loss to the world of questionable art!

Unique Million Dollar Artwork Destroyed in Seconds:
Dr. Karl Blinng recounts his great money-printing art idea and terrible disaster: "That crazy Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan was my true inspiration. I mean come on! Selling bananas duct-taped to walls has made him a millionaire! How hard is that to do? So I thought, why not create a unique one-of-a-kind Bigfoot Ginger Bread Cookie? I could sell it to some gallery sucker... errrrr.... art connoisseur... for millions! Yeah, that's the ticket!". 

At this point, Blinng became misty eyed. "So I made my long-suffering sister bake one for me. Yes, it's true I did hold her at gun-point until the cookie job was done, but all is forgiven. I accepted her apology for doubting me. I then had my precious cookie masterpiece. Even that moron Erk Holohead said my bigfoot cookie was 'without value'... in other words... it was invaluable! I was destined to be rich beyond my wildest dreams! Hahahahahaha!" 

"Then disaster struck. I shall have nightmares. Our fool of a lawyer invited himself to my home, as usual, demanding snacks and root beer. The hired help became busy putting together Ricard Scheister's usual afternoon nibble measuring in around 2,000 calories. My back was turned on my precious Bigfoot Cookie for just a minute. That was enough time for that imbecile to scarf the entire cookie! A precious multi-million dollar piece of artwork destroyed in 60 seconds! Thwarted by idiots, again!"

Among the many research projects designed to attract grants and donations from the tragically naive, the YETI NOT SETI Institute, located in well-baked Yuba City, California, has instituted a crash program to develop similar multi-million artworks at little or no cost. "When concocted properly, the ROI on silly art is astronomical. We're looking at duct-taping ripe watermelons to walls. If a banana can bring in millions on auction, a watermelon should bring in... billions?" opined Holohead.