Savage Sasquatch chases endangered species from Kauai Nature Park! Federal Superfund site disaster zone requested.
The formerly idyllic island of Kauai has been temperamentally traumatized by a rogue Bigfoot. A local ranger, Rick, described the catastrophe "How this hairy beast got here is beyond us. It didn't pay an entrance fee. It just suddenly appeared in the park and chased off the masses of mainland tourists, scared all our rare endangered species of nematodes into hiding, and intimidated local random surf bums. It will take years for this rare ecosystem to recover. Years! I feel faint."
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| Biodiversity? Not any more! |
Sasquatch hunters speculate the beast wasn't targeting nematodes as prey, so much as scavenging for left over fried snack foods. "Oily fried food is the furry beast's favorite meal!", said an Ancient Aliens and Sasquatch expert.
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| Sasquatch Photobomb: Ruining a perfectly good Kauai photo. |
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in not-Hawaii Yuba City, was optimistic. "I'm optimistic, you know. Those nasty nematodes will eventually return to their native habitat. If the park needs more nematodes, I can provide them. I have them in my backyard. My doctor said I have some in my brain, too, which sort of explains my personality? I can ship some in a biohazard box. All I need to get started is a nice donation to my personal trust fund in the name of the institute, that will work nicely!"
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