Bigfoot Stowaway on Caribbean Cruise Ship!
In a shocking development for the out-to-sea tourism industry, the
real reason a cruise ship recently turned back to port was NOT a massive case of odoriferous passenger gastro-intestinal problems. Nor was the cancellation due to a lack of alcohol and clever towel sculptures on board. No!
We know the
real reason. It's almost too
shocking to tell the public. In fact, the truth would be
irresponsible to share. This news can cause widespread
panic!
OK, here's what happened:
A sneaky Sasquatch slipped on board a docked cruise ship in Texas, searching for random leftover chicken wings and flat beer. These ignorant beasts don't understand departure times, and this poor animal was trapped on board when the ship pulled away from port.
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| SOS! Sasquatch On Ship! |
Amazingly, the marooned bigfoot wasn't spotted until the third day of a seven day cruise by crew members. Whenever a passenger saw the Sasquatch, crew members nimbly explained that the hairy beast was an actor in costume preparing for the famous "Hollywood Regurgitated" Theme Show in the Star-Light Lounge later in the week.
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| Bigfoot - Master and Commander of Grand Cayman Harbor. |
This alarming hairy situation was successfully kept secret for a few days. Since passengers were either happily inebriated, lost in the vast water park, bidding on famous knock-off paintings, or purchasing luxurious rubberized $300 arch-supports in the Spa, they were blissfully unaware of the furry flea-bitten danger in their midst.
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| Concerned Cruise Ship Passengers attend Emergency Bigfoot Meeting. Free champagne for all. |
Eventually the nasty secret came out when the Sasquatch did a large belly flop into the main pool during a reggae jam. A memorable tidal wave and panic ensued at that point. Passengers where calmed by sugary adult beverages with fancy umbrellas stuck in them.
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| The famous masterpiece "Doggie Stairway to Heaven" on display in the art gallery was miraculously saved from malicious Sasquatch damage. |
Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors for the
YETI not SETI Institute in landlocked Yuba City, California, was an eyewitness to the stowaway bigfoot. "It was horrible. Knowing that you're trapped on a ship with 2,000 drunk fools... oh yeah and that dangerous bigfoot. We were lucky to escape with our lives! Good thing my precious artwork purchased at auction on board the ship survived. What an investment. I'll put 'em next to my Toomas Kincaid collection!"
