Bigfoot Spotted in Catskills and New Joisey! Where's Jimmy?

Novel New York and New Jersey Sasquatch Sightings! Another hairy-raising reason to leave NYC? 

The Catskills and Northern New Jersey were the scene of wonky wildness Bigfoot action and needless speculation as multiple sightings were made in formerly scenic areas of both states. State and local officials are pleading with the tax-paying natives to remain calm and NOT move to Florida or Connecticut. However, some state officials in New Joisey ain't talkin', no-how.

 

"Where's Jimmy? I know he's around here, somewhere."

 

The New Jersey Botanical Gardens was the scene of multiple Bigfoot sightings, scaring visitors green, horrifying horticulturalists, gobsmacking gardenias. Estimated damage to the Botanical Garden's flora exceeds $300,000 due to toxic bodily waste functions unleashed by the Sasquatch. "The ape man looked intense, like he was looking for someone. I wouldn't want to be around when he finds 'em! I bet he's another one of them kooks who thinks Jimmy Hoffa was used for fertilizer around here. Naaaaa, that ain't it. Guess again, punk!"
 

The Beast caught on security camera at the Botanical Gardens.

 

The Catskills in New York State were not spared a Bigfoot scare. Authorities really don't know why the simian bothered to go there, but speculate it was attracted by multiple breweries in the region. "Bigfoots like rancid fried foods and stale beer", stated a local wildlife expert. 

 

Catskill Sasquatch Surveying His Domain. 

The beast managed to frighten tourists visiting a local waterfall and pool before they headed onto a stale beer brewery tour. "That monkey-man decided to take a bath in the pool! He smelled a 1,000 times worse than wet dog. We was stuck against the cliff for an hour before that hairy-nut-job waltzed away", exclaimed a thirsty visitor. An emergency environmental clean-up team is urgently working on the area, and hope to reopen the pool and falls in 2029. This is the State of New York, after all. 

 

Wash and Wear? Fleas Beware!

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director-For-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute located in musty Yuba City, California, pontificated on the latest Sasquatch sighting. "As I pontificate, I can't help but admire the sound of my own voice. Ahhh, wait a minute, wrong press announcement. Ah, here it is, stuck in my left ear. Yes. OK! We at the institute are shocked at the recent sightings in New York and New Jersey. Shocked, I say! What I want to know is just where are all these breweries in the Catskills? More importantly, where are all the moonshine stills?"