Lassen is Lousy with Bigfoots!

 Multiple Mt. Lassen Bigfoot Sightings! Backcountry Areas Closed! Bears are boggled. 

More mysterious sightings of rummaging Ape Men have been made in the Mt. Lassen Volcanic National Park area. As a precaution, the Park Service is doubling day-visitor fares to take advantage of the surge in cryptozoologist visitors, and has stopped all pizza delivery in the backcountry regions. 

Sasquatch caught crossing a previously unspoiled steam at the National Park. The terrorized trout scattered in a fishy frenzy, as they can smell many things underwater. Bigfoot wrecked a good day of fly-fishing for fanatical fisherman.

A picturesque waterfall plus tourists plus a not-nice Sasquatch spells trouble. This idyll scene was soon emptied of all humans and squirrels, who fled in a panic at the sight of the dangerous beast and his foul unwashed odors. 

Local residents are alarmed at this recent sighting of large hairy ape-beasts. There is some controversy.  "I knew this was going to happen sooner or later!", said one grizzled local. "Why there's even naïve folks encouraging these big monkeys to come and visit the park! They even have a fancy Bigfoot crossing sign set up. I mean, you might as well just give these Sasquatches the keys to the Park and say 'here you are, come and take it'!"

Dr. Blinng, Chairman and President-for-Life of the world famous YETI NOT SETI Institute in scenic Yuba City, California, granted a short press interview on this topic to a local middle school ace news reporter. Blinng thinks these remarkable Mt. Lassen reports are genuine. "I'm sure this really happened. In fact I'm POSITIVE it really happened. I have my sources, I pay them well... ice cold beer works best."

Wagontire Oregon Hit With BIGFOOT ATTACK!

Wagontire Oregon reeling from Second Sasquatch Sighting in 40 Years! Population Drops 33%!

The buzzing metropolis of Wagontire Oregon is suffering from the depopulating impact of a second bigfoot sighting in the city in less than 40 years. "Yes Sir", exclaimed the City Mayor, "That nasty apeman really put a hammer on our community. We've dropped 33% in loco, er, local residents overnight- from three to two! Crud, we can't take much more of this crazed cunning creature!"

The apparently very lost Sasquatch beastie caught approaching the city of Wagontire in search of stale root beer. 

Efforts by the monster to find rancid root beer were unsuccessful, but it did manage to find some overlooked Mr. Pibb bottles and fossilized BigHunk candy bars sitting on a unused gas pump since 1980. After securing this bodacious booty, the blaring beast beat a trail back to the mountains from whence it came. 

Frightened Wagontire residents hastily closed the main commercial center of the city upon the incredible approach of the nasty man-ape hairy animal thingy. 

A local old-timer recalled the last time such a smelly savage was encountered at Wagontire, "Yep, it sure was a long time ago! 1980s I reckon? Not 1880s, my memory ain't so good anymore", he said scratching his head. "I remember a couple hairy tenderfoot numskulls stupid enough to ride bicycles through here back then... they sure as heck looked like them there sasquatches. They waz Calyfornians... and smelled to high heaven too, whooweee! They came riding into town looking for trouble and root beer, just like that there recent attack. But we showed them furry nasties who's boss. Yes Sir. We closed up the city good and tight, and took the air out them there fancy frenchie bicycle machines.... for them it was 'FLAT-TIRE Oryygon... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

College Graduation Photo-Bombed by Bigfoot!

Family Kodak Moment turns to Mush as Marauding Sasquatch Photo-Bombs San Diego!

In what can only be called a conspiracy, a well-planned graduation photo carefully prepared by the Blinng family was utterly ruined when a blustering Bigfoot barged into the frame, destroying in a split-second over 60 minutes of meticulously arranged posing, tassels, hair, and teeth.

Cryptozoology?! Is that a Major?!

It is reported that Dr. Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute, missed the entire Bigfoot sighting yet again, having turned his back for a split-second to take his daily snuff. Subsequently frantic searches for any stray Sasquatch DNA came up negative.

As for the recent graduate, she has returned her BS Degree in Marine Biology to the University. "This is bogus!", she exclaimed. "After all these years of studying smelly fishy fishes and mucus loving Mollusca Aplacophora, I realize now where my true career lies - Cryptozoology!", she said excitedly. "Yes, that is where the real action is! No more research into Thiomargarita Namibiensis, oh no! It's Mermaids, The Loch Ness Monster, and Aquatic Space Alien Civilizations for me! Oh yes, and Gigantopithicus Revoltus - Bigfoot!", she said proudly, "I'll tell daddy he has to pay for 4 more years of college. He'll be very happy to learn of my new plans!"

At that point, Dr. Blinng complained of a sharp pain in his chest, swooned, and passed-out clutching his wallet. Recent reports indicate he is recovering nicely at the Institute's Yuba City facility, under observation.

Bigfoot Spotted in the People's Republic of Bezerkley!

Skulking Socially Distant Sasquatch Skirts Serious Stay-at-Home Order in Berkeley! City Police and Health Department Officials in Frantic Search for the Hairy Beast!

A masked lumbering Sasquatch has been spotted in Berkeley California, sparking alarm from health officials dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic and lock-down enforcement. Speculation is rampant as to the motives and health of the beast. The Bigfoot is apparently following proper social distancing rules, wearing a mask when roaming the area while stealing fried foods and terrifying shocked squirrels and stupefied pigeons. Why would a Bigfoot show it's furry face (sort of) in the city now?

Masked and Socially Distant Sasquatch spotted by remote home camera in Berkeley.  

Ricard Scheister, Legal Counsel and 24-hour Bail Bondsman for the YETI-NOT-SETI Institute, has a theory on why the shaggy beast is prowling the city. "It's simple, really, even a Blinng or a Holohead can figure this one out. The University of California at Bezerkley is closed because of this nasty virus pandemic thingy. That means all dorm residents were kicked out, along with all the illegal pets they snuck into their dorms, including rattlesnakes, sharks, and unicorns. This poor excuse of an animal is a dormitory pet that escaped! The beast blends in with campus undergraduates and Telegraph Avenue minions. No one would notice until closer inspection revealed an oddly massive amount of body hair, no clothes, and regrettable personal hygiene habits. This sensible Sasquatch may have fled the dorms to escape notoriously bad dorm food and went commando months ago. We just don't know. We never do! As a shady lawyer, ah, as a lawyer who loves shade, I'm perfectly willing to consult on this vital matter.... I charge by the minute, major credit cards accepted."

Epidemiologists and Serious Space Alien researchers have been speculating for months now regarding a potential Wuhan China link between Yetis, Sasquatches, and ferociously feral hamsters. The Berkeley health department recommends everyone wear your masks and avoid hairy Sasquatches at all times. 

YETI Not SETI Institute photographs of Board of Director Members Revealed

Meet The Institute Directors!

The world famous YETI NOT SETI INSTITUTE located in exotic Yuba City, California is proud to release photos of our Board of Directors. 

See their Mug Shots, ah, Publicity Photos, at:

https://yeti-not-seti-institute.blogspot.com/2020/06/the-yeti-not-seti-institute-releases.html

YETI NOT SETI Institute Board Members Revealed.