Hawaiian Island of Maui Scene of Sasquatch Sighting! "Not a hairy tourist!"
Residents of the scenic island of Maui require mass sedation after a series of disturbing reports of Bigfoot sightings across major tourist traps cunningly set to trap visitor Kālā kik, or was we locals like to say, Pala'oă mă'kă i hŏ'ŏwă'lĭ ĭ'ă.
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| Guess which one is the Hog. |
"Talk about your mainland invasive species! That Bigfoot was not only invasive it was obnoxious. How it got here is a complete mystery. Our fierce Chihuahua Patrols completely missed him!", said a local police spokesman sipping on a Maui Mule during his routine 3 hour lunch.
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| The Beast almost took a 3 hour tour, just a 3 hour tour. The Captain of the Ship barred the gang-plank. "Ahoy! I have enough problems with my idiotic crew... get back you mangy land-lubber!" |
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| Maui Beaches attracted the beach-combing Sasquatch around sunset. "It ate 10 sets of car keys and 4 vape sticks found in the sand!" said a local surf bum. |
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| Hilo beach goers were shocked to see a Sasquatch roam the area, while the beast searched for not-so-fresh poke. |
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| Sasquatch meets a Maui Gorilla. Or an Ancient Inca Simian Space Alien? Enquiring minds want to know. |
Dr. Karl Blinng, President-for-Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute, which is located in the ukulele capital of the world in balmy Yuba City California, had something to say. "I have something to say! I was there on the island for vacat... official business. I was conducting very important research into the possibility that Sasquatches reached Hawaii years before humans arrived. I'm convinced the beasts floated on buffalo bladders and let prevailing currents take them to the islands. Anyway, that's what my grant proposal said. Some deep-pocketed idiot was stupid enough to fund my expedition, sucker. Errrrr, strike that last comment!"
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