PANIC IN SACRAMENTO! More than Usual!
CITY ON ALERT AFTER RARE BIGFOOT ATTACK.
Two Sacramento baseball players had a close encounter with a suspected BigFoot. Garet Duntley, one of the eyewitnesses, said from his hospital bed that he and a fellow player were chasing a long ball that went into a park along the American River. "It was a cold overcast Saturday afternoon at the American River, and after finding the baseball we looked around and saw a creepy strange creature in the water, it looked like he was fishing for Salmon."
When spotted, the animal suddenly jumped out of the water and lunged into the bush. Seconds later BigFoot appeared and charged the eyewitnesses. "I think it got mad because we threw the baseball at it when it was fishing and whacked him in the head. When we laughed he really got mad" said Toney Torrezz, the other survivor of the attack. Bigfoot lunged at the victims and both of them fainted in total fright. When they recovered, BigFoot was gone. Only the baseball was left, ripped into tiny shreds by the creature. Sacramento Police announced that a "significant man-hunt, er, Sasquatch-hunt is going on, but we are having no luck. We're still dealing with a recent alien abduction and we're stretched right now!"
Dr. Karl Bling, world-famous Yeti, Sasquatch and BigFoot expert with a Ph.D. in Pseudo-Scientific Investigations of the Silly Sort and Director of the "Yeti-not-SETI" Research Institute in Yuba City California stated: "This is remarkable news. I have contacted the two gentlemen and have asked for more information. I am willing to pay $ 3,000 for the shredded baseball. I am sure we will find, at last, real Sasquatch DNA and fantastic Body-Odor scents!"
2 comments:
Honestly, what appalling ignorance! The proper scientific name for this creature is Gigantipithicus. I am a professional Sasquatch researcher with a real Ph.D. from the Netherlands and know what I am talking about! This Dr. Karl Bling is a mere poser and knows nothing. I am far more intelligent than him. Please note that the proper common description of multiple Gigantipithicus is "BigFeet".
My Sincerest Regards;
Dr. Erk Van Holdim
Institute of Theoretical Species
Universiteit Noordoostpolder
Egads, what a fraud!!
Everyone knows that Bigfoot does not exist in the Netherlands. They are known as Belgians.
I'm sending Uncle Elmer and cousin Joe Bob to Sacramento with a case of beer. I'll let a real Yeti research institute investigate. No one can find sasquatch like Elmer, Joe Bob and "Bud MIller"
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