Thursday, June 19, 2025

London Bigfoot Strikes Again!

Blimey! London Bigfoot Infestation Continues! Millions of Minions Mortified!

Londoners have been irritably inconvenienced by another sleuthy Bigfoot sighting. Sasquatch sightings continue in Central London and even (God Save The King) at Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch caught wondering around Trafalgar Square. Nelson was not amused.

Trafalgar Square Sighting!

It was a lovely damp, cold, drizzly English Sunday morning. Trafalgar Square was filled with distracted student groups making day trips, Pigeons eating left-over food in trash bins, Pigeons dive-bombing startled tourists, polite bums sleeping rough around the area, mediocre coffee shops, and more. Then a Bigfoot showed up. At first no one gave the ape-man any mind, but when the beast started chasing pigeons away from the bins so he could have his own Sunday brunch the crowd became alarmed and rushed pell-mell into the National Gallery seeking safety. In desperation, they were forced to wonder aimlessly and look at old paintings of fox hunts, earls, and dukes until the all-clear signal was given. Pigeons hate Sasquatches, these rats with wings fled the Trafalgar Square area and didn't dare return for three days. Locals want the Sasquatch to come back! 

Bigfoot and Mr. Bean spotted quite near Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch Sighting at Windsor Castle!

In a serious security breach a Bigfoot was spotted not only in the village of Windsor but inside the actual Castle complex! Fortunately the Royal Family was not at Windsor though some intruders who looked like Prince Andrew and HRH Meghan were seen trying to sneak into the Castle grounds. Officials are not talking. Whispers of a crypto-beast cover-up are rampant.  

Shocked tourist captures the horrific moment an odorous Bigfoot sauntered by a main gate at Windsor Castle.

Pall Mall Sighting! Horse Guards and Ghurkas Gobsmacked!

A bystander caught the back of the London Bigfoot's head during the parade. "I was going to tell him to move and not spoil my shot, but self-preservation told me otherwise!"
Bystanders were shocked when the Sasquatch appeared at a Horse Guards Parade, which also featured a Fighting Battalion of Gurkhas. The sudden arrival of the Bigfoot sparked a predictable equine pandemonium. With their keen sense of smell Horses hate Sasquatches. The parade quickly became a shambles as the horses were speedily sent off to their stables to recover. The plucky Ghurkas regiment became animated and excited, mistaking the hairy simian for a YETI. Parade formation was disrupted! Ghurkas get a little homesick at times. A good 'ol hairy YETI sighting from back home always gets their spirits up.     

British officials are mum on the sightings. Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI not SETI Institute, which is conveniently located nearby a day-old bangers and mash joint in Yuba City, California, was not mum. "I'll not stay mum about these incredible London Bigfoot sightings. I'll stay mute! Yes, I've been paid off for my silence, along with a blackmail threat to reveal certain grey-area financial dealings to the IRS if I don't keep quiet. But I will say this about that... these Bigfoot sightings in London aren't over, except for Mayfair... it's way too posh for Sasquatches."

No comments: