Thursday, June 11, 2009



Amazing photo: Sasquatch scrambling by the Winery Office in a frantic search for Select Vino.

Livermore Valley's Wente Brothers Winery was raided by a "thirsty, smelly, thirsty, nasty, thirsty" Bigfoot this week, disrupting the mellow ambiance and prompting two wine tasting tours to swear off alcohol forever. Mr. Erk Holohed, a semi-sober eye-witness, was shaken but not stirred by the attack. He described the hairy ordeal; "I was takin' the Wente wine tour and was looking forward to the wine tasting bit, why do you think I go on these tours, aye? First I smelled the creature, he waz like rancid onions and garlic, sauteed not fried. That mangy BigFoot was yelping and running around like crazy, like he was lookin' for somethin' special. When he spotted the wine vats the beast stopped dead in his tracks and saluted, like they was Bacchus himself!"

"Gobsmacked BigFoot Hailing Bacchus?"

After honoring the wine vats, Sasquatch ran straight into the Wente Wine Tasting Room... "There was no panic", said a Wente Brothers Sommelier on duty, "I mean, we're a winery in wine country, right? And people are drinking good wine and are like very mellow, right? So even a wild BigFoot rampaging through the place is like, no worries man!"

BigFoot grabbed "two very expensive bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve" and escaped into the foothills. "The beast had good taste" said a startled Winery official, "That Sasquatch knew what he was doing".

The wine looting done, Bigfoot runs out of Wente with his Vintage Vino Swag.

Livermore Police, used to all kinds of tourists and atomic spies, said Wente Winery officials at first suspected the Apeman was actually a well-known jug wine vinologist in clever disguise, Mr. Krass Ffffhelps of SwanSwamp Vineyards, but soon realized that Ffffhelps was spying on Concannon Wineries during the attack. "Yeah, that's right.... Concannon.... research.... yeah. You can't pin that one on me, copper!" said Mr. Ffffhelps through his legal representative.

Everyone is baffled, and have decided to research the tasting room's wine selection until someone figures it all out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bigfoot wiped us out clean down in arizona's bar coyote ugly. He left without paying. He is just pure trash covered in carpet.