Saturday, December 17, 2011

CNN Humiliated After Missing Sasquatch Scoop of the Century!

Bigfoot Sighting at CNN World Headquarters Completely Missed by Elite News Team - - "Heads will Roll!"

The mangy fur is flying inside the CNN newsroom this week after an intrepid reporter for a local high school paper made an amazing Sasquatch sighting inside CNN's world headquarters, badly embarrassing the gaggle of professional multi-million CNN dollar news anchors equipped with cutting edge laser whitened dental implants and state-of-the-art polymer hairdos.
SCOOPED: Bigfoot spotted inside CNN World Headquarters by High School paper reporter.
The baffled Bigfoot was spotted roaming inside the giant CNN lobby, amazed at the big amazing CNN globe and the bigger more amazing CNN souvenir shop. "He looked really dumb & dazed", said an eye-witness, "like he'd never seen a CNN coffee mug with Anderson Cooper's face on it with before! I bet he wuz looking for FOX News and got seriously lost."
POOPED: Piers Morgan's ratings slip yet again with Bigfoot mishap, missing chance for exclusive Sasquatch guest interview.
Having seen enough of Anderson Cooper t-shirts, the shaken Bigfoot fled the CNN building, leaving behind a crowd of stunned CNN tourists and has-been celebrity interviewees. "I thought he was a guest star on the Animal Planet Channel.", said a retiree from Florida, "He sure seemed horribly casual about his personal hygiene!"*
Sasquatch leaving CNN World Headquarters in a huff, miffed he was not given an guest appearance on Larry King.
A shake-up in CNN's news anchor line-up is rumored after the Bigfoot bombshell. "This sorry Sasqautch gap in our news reporting is completely unacceptable." said Suzan Grunt, senior news director, "Look at FOX and MSNBC! They cover hairy apemen all the time... we must up our Bigfoot reporting game!"  

*Sasquatch, not Cooper Anderson.

1 comment:

KarlBlingPhD said...

I'll send Joe Bob and Bubba.
They are still partaking in Tsingtao beer and Shao Xing liqour in Beijing.
Anderson Cooper insists this was actually just a Belgian tourist, but I will give $3000 to anyone who can prove it was a real bigfoot.