Sasquatch Spotted Near Hualālai Volcano in Hawaii!
An unprecedented Bigfoot sighting at the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park at the Huluhoop, er, Hualihee, er, Hulubbahubba.... ah forget it! The beast was spotted near an active volcano, OK? National park rangers and crypto-anthropologists are erupting with excitement.
One well-hydrated tourist took pity on the thermally traumatized terror, and gave the scorched Sasquatch a lukewarm Kona beer. The brew revived the beast long enough for it to steal two more beers and run off into a nearby forest.
Experts are very excited about all this volcanic sasquatch silliness. As a direct consequence of the sighting, the Federated League Association of BigFoot Believers (FLABB) has unanimously voted to hold their next convention at the Holiday Inn in Honolulu, ditching the luxurious Las Vegas Motel Six for the first time in years.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI Not SETI Institute, was steaming hot. "Gosh Darn It To HECK! I could have been on that expedition!" he erupted, "Instead I investigated the exotic mating habits of a rare flock of blue-banded-belly Banana Slugs near Santa Cruz. (Not a bad gig - I got paid $200 by the Cierra Klub). But how stupid of me! Believe me, even though I rarely get invited to the cool after-conference Ph.D parties, I'll be at that FLABB convention in Hawaii. And I'm going to submit a paper on this incident. Just because I wasn't there doesn't mean I can't pontificate at extraordinary length about it. Look at all those experts on TV. THEY can talk for hours, but have THEY ever seen a bigfoot? Ha! Amateurs!"