Sasquatch Sighting at Cannery Row - Sardines in Shock!

"Boisterous Bigfoot" spotted by Cannery Row Tourists - - Post Card Sales Plunge!

Monterey city officials are scrambling, groping in the fog, desperate to maintain cheery commercial calm after panicked tourists and John Steinbeck academics and groupies reported sighting a wild Sasquatch roaming Cannery Row, scouring the streets for leftover junk food. No damage was reported, but seagulls and stray dogs reportedly avoided the area for days afterwards.

Amazing photo of loitering Sasquatch at Cannery Row:
The prestigious Monterey Bay Aquarium is rumored to be considering adding a BigFoot Exhibit to
"exploit, errr, promote this popular pseudo-science and separate tourists from their wallets".

"What a shame", said a local citizen, "Before this beast showed up, Cannery Row was a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream..... now it's a dirty limerick, a horrible odor, a howling animal, mange-ridden with bad hygiene, a furry nightmare." Row shop owner Eddy Ricketz, however, struggling with his frozen sardine sorbet and gr-eeek yogurt tofu franchise shop on Cannery Row, was perky and upbeat.... "Business hasn't been so good lately, but this Sasquatch thing could be just the ticket! I'm gonna order a case of risque low-brow joke Bigfoot postcards - - I'll sell 'em all to them tourists at full price, you'll see!" 
Dr. Blinng, Director of the almost famous Yeti Not Seti Institute in Yuba City, California, was miffed. "I'm seriously miffed! I have a laboratory, and I am an interesting character, so why hasn't anyone put me into a famous novel which can become a movie and then I can collect royalties? Why? Why?"

Lone Star State Sasquatch Sighting!

Terrifying Texas Bigfoot Barges into Serene Summer Camp!

A toxic trespassing Sasquatch has raided Camp Ewok, an idyllic tree-house theme youth summer camp near Navasota, Texas. "That Bigfoot came out of nowhere.", said a camp volunteer, "The beast scrounged through our kitchen garbage cans, I think it was attracted by the strong odors from yesterday's fried chicken strips and french fries group dinner- - those little brats, errr I mean our esteemed paying guests, love greasy fried food stuff. It looks like Sasquatches make bad food choices too."
Reports from eye-witnesses claim the Bigfoot had an bizarre addiction for old half-drunk Big Red soda bottles, greedily gulping down any of this sugary glow-in-the-dark concoction he could find amongst the clould of flies swarming around the smelly kitchen refuse. The body odor of the Sasquatch was described as "stronger than 30 dead skunks", and the cloud of flies eagerly followed the Bigfoot back into the forest.

Bigfoot Barges into Blissful Texas Summer Camp:
This totally amazing photo was taken at Ewok  Cabin #6

Just hours later, a Texas rancher spotted the Bigfoot on a heavily wooded road just off FM 362 near Camp Ewok. "It was amazing. I was driving down one of my roads to check out reports of scared silly cattle, when this beast ran right in front of me! It happened fast.... I had enough time to leap out of my pick-up truck, set-up my tripod camera, and take just one time-lapse shot before the Sasquatch leaped back into the woods again. Sure I was scared, that was no deer or coyote... it was a 8 foot tall, nasty Bigfoot! A bunch of flies surrounded that Bigfoot, like he was a fly magnet or something."

Lunging Bigfoot seen crossing dirt road near Navasota, Texas. 

Mateo Holohead, Ph.D., an renown expert in Lone Star Sasquatchology at nearby Texas A&M University, was skeptical of local claims that a Bigfoot had been spotted. "I'm sure these people saw something bad and were greatly disgusted, affected and scared by it. But from the description of this animal - - poor hygiene, bad body odor, unfortunate eating habits, lack of self-discipline, etc., I can only conclude that this lost creature was a University of Texas undergraduate, or possibly a tea-sipping graduate professor. Nothing to be scared of, but definitely lock up your rancid garbage!"

Sasquatch Sighting at Shasta!

Mt. Shasta shatters from Bigfoot Encounter!

Locals in this wild, barren, wild, remote, forbidding, isolated, exiled, lost world, 4G-free region of Northern California are recovering from a shockingly snowy Sasquatch sighting. Tourists have fled the area as law enforcement officers comb the area for the obnoxiously elusive creature and free coffee and donuts.

Yeti caught on Camera near Mount Shasta.

 "It happened quickly", said a nervous local farmer who wishes to remain anonymous, "I was tending to my lucrative winter greenhouse medicinal-purposes-only cash crop in a very remote spot near Mt. Shasta, when this dang abominable snowman ran right past me. Shocked the beejeebers out of me, man! I'd rather get a raid, errrr, social visit, from the DEA than have to smell the stench of that disgusting animal again!"

Snowy Sasqautch wrecks million dollar view.

Hours later, another sighting of the Yeti destroyed attempts to catch a photo of Mt. Shasta for National Geographik magazine. "That snow-monkey took my golden cover-shot and turned it into something only an idiot would buy, so I pawned it off on some moron at a stupid Bigfoot institute in Yuba City for $3,000." said a disgruntled professional photographer, "I've decided I really hate nature shots, you know? I'm gonna focus on paparazzi shots of drunk celebrities instead."

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the financially creative YETI not SETI Institute in bucolic Yuba City, California, was beside himself. "I am beside myself! Right here! Yes, I am floating and having an out-of-body experience! That farmer near Mt. Shasta who saw the Yeti sold me some amazing home-made brownies for $3,000, I'm certain there is valuable Bigfoot DNA in 'em. We're conducting in-depth ultra-trace chemical analysis of the brownies for Yeti DNA. I ate one as part of our scientific evaluation, I've always liked brownies! But I'm feeling quite peculiar after eating this one...."

BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mexico City takes Hair-Raising Fright as Savage Sasquatch Roams Historic Downtown - - Centro Historico in Chaos!

Mexico City BigFoot attempts to hide among innocent Saturday
morning  shoppers and pickpockets while looking for rancid tacos de 
carnitas misterioso street stalls to steal tasty snack food morsels.

Mexico City has been victimized by a rare but devastating BigFoot Sighting, causing multiple traffic accidents, panicked shoppers and paranoid fast food street sellers.

"It was incredible! Said an eyewitness, "We were looking for a copy of Darwin's "The Origin of Suspect Species" at a specialty bookstore when that horrible Ape Beast appeared in the doorway of the shop and laughed at us. At first I thought it was some juvenile idiot in a monkey suite, but all those fleas jumping off his body told me this was not a joke!"

Bad Bigfoot nervously eluding a frantic Police Sasquatch Search just
blocks from  the historic Zócalo Main Plaza in Mexico City.

The Mexico Bigfoot caused a rash of traffic accidents and fainting spells as he wandered around the streets in the area. "That monkey-beast had a horrible aroma, like the worst kind of rotten cheese you can think of, and it really messed up Calle de Tacuba", said a part-time acid-rock accordion player, "there were rear-end car accidents everywhere, and even worse, the shoppers and tourists disappeared - - bad for business, very bad for my nose!"

A Mexico City Police spokesman issued a public announcement concerning the Sasquatch sighting salvaje:

Street Camera catches sneaky Sasquatch leaving the scene of the crime:
After causing  a seven-car accident the hominid runs away...
shocked and dumbfounded motorists had gazed in disbelief. 

"The ape man is really dumb and very dangerous. It is desperate to steal rancid tacos and loves to scare our good citizens of Mexico City. If you spot this beast please call us! I have no idea what we'll do if we catch him, to be honest." * 

"Bigfoots have been spotted in Mexico City before.", said Grisalia Rojez, Ph.D. of  Chupacabrolgy at the Instituto de Cosas Tontas para Estudiar (ICTE), "It is a total mystery why these obnoxious beasts bother us!"

* Translation for the good people of Mexico City: "El hombre mono es tonto y peligroso. Está desesperado de robar tacos rancios y le encanta asustar a los buenos ciudadanos de la Ciudad de México. Si usted ve esta bestia por favor llámenos! No tengo idea de lo que vamos a hacer si lo cogemos, para ser honesto."

Panama Island Bigfoot Sighting!

Wild Bigfoot Spotted on Taboga Island in Panama! Locals in Shock.

Surf, Sand and Sasquatch?!

The beautiful tropical island of Isla Taboga in Panama was shaken, not stirred, by an odoriferous rogue Bigfoot, ruining New Years Eve celebrations for thousands. A horrified local saw it all... "That mala bestia roamed the village stealing  fried plantains and papas fritas - - the apeman really liked rancid old patacones the best, like a demented loco. The monkey-man scared our snoozing dogs, chillin' chickens, and serene cats nearly to death! Taboga is a laid back kind of place, ¿sabes?, we don't get this kind of 'excitement' around here."

Sorry Sasquatch caught roaming a formerly swanky area of Isla Taboga. Distress "For  Sale" signs sprouted like weeds after the hairy BigFoot was spotted.

The Autoridad de Tourismo Panamá issued a statement that while BigFoots have been seen in Panama before, there was no need for tourists to panic and change vacation plans to scenic North Korea. 

A senior tourist official, off the record, said "Esto como una gran oportunidad para alentar a Sasquatch Hunter turismo en Panamá. Vamos a pedir a los tontos del canal Animal Planet Hunters Bigfoot aquí. Pasarán un montón de dinero! Son un grupo de payasos. Oye, no me estás citando ¿verdad?".*

*Translation: "The Animal Planet BigFoot Hunters are our very best friends, and we encourage these intelligent, brave Sasquatch (and need I add well-funded) hunters to come to Panama and spend lots of money, and finally  find a Sasquatch. Hello! Ah, did I mention they can spend lots of money here too?"

CNN Humiliated After Missing Sasquatch Scoop of the Century!

Bigfoot Sighting at CNN World Headquarters Completely Missed by Elite News Team - - "Heads will Roll!"


The mangy fur is flying inside the CNN newsroom this week after an intrepid reporter for a local high school paper made an amazing Sasquatch sighting inside CNN's world headquarters, badly embarrassing the gaggle of professional multi-million CNN dollar news anchors equipped with cutting edge laser whitened dental implants and state-of-the-art polymer hairdos.

SCOOPED: Bigfoot spotted inside CNN World Headquarters by High School paper reporter.

The baffled Bigfoot was spotted roaming inside the giant CNN lobby, amazed at the big amazing CNN globe and the bigger more amazing CNN souvenir shop. "He looked really dumb & dazed", said an eye-witness, "like he'd never seen a CNN coffee mug with Anderson Cooper's face on it with before! I bet he wuz looking for FOX News and got seriously lost."

POOPED: Piers Morgan's ratings slip yet again with Bigfoot mishap, missing chance for exclusive Sasquatch guest interview.

Having seen enough of Anderson Cooper t-shirts, the shaken Bigfoot fled the CNN building, leaving behind a crowd of stunned CNN tourists and has-been celebrity interviewees. "I thought he was a guest star on the Animal Planet Channel.", said a retiree from Florida, "He sure seemed horribly casual about his personal hygiene!"*

Sasquatch leaving CNN World Headquarters in a huff, miffed he was not given an guest appearance on Larry King.

A shake-up in CNN's news anchor line-up is rumored after the Bigfoot bombshell. "This sorry Sasqautch gap in our news reporting is completely unacceptable." said Suzan Grunt, senior news director, "Look at FOX and MSNBC! They cover hairy apemen all the time... we must up our Bigfoot reporting game!"  


*Sasquatch, not Cooper Anderson.

Chaos in China! Sino Sasquatch Scares Great Wall!

Bigfoot Sighted at Great Wall of China!

A day at the Great Wall of China was ruined for thousands of Chinese and international tourists when a badly bathed Bigfoot was discovered dithering on the famous wall at Badaling, just outside of Beijing. In the ensuing panic, several hundred priceless 'I saw the Great Wall while standing on my head' t-shirts were lost. "Great Wall not-so-great now", said a local Great Wall cheap baseball cap vendor, "that stinky yeti sneak in, cause trouble, no good, no good!".

Sneaky Sasquatch blending in with crowds of unsuspecting tourists at Great Wall.

The throngs of Great Wall visitors were blissfully ignorant of the nearby proximity of the mangy monkey-man, when someone spotted the beast and screamed "YETI!". Immediate primate pandemonium ensued, with the Sasquatch fleeing the scene pursued by hundreds of irate tourists holding hanker-chefs to their noses in an attempt to thwart the 'inhuman stench' emitting from the hairy hide of the Bigfoot.

China Bigfoot running on the wall, escaping the rampaging mob intent on giving him a bath.

The raiding Bigfoot managed to steal some delectable street-vendor snack food before escaping, including fried scorpion and beetle-on-a-stick."He liked my fried chicken feet the most... he stole them all!" said an out-of-business victim. Almost famous Chinese Yeti expert Dim Wit Chann was weirdly excited by this Bigfoot sighting in China. "Aha! This proves my amazing theory, a theory which only true genius like mine can inspire... unlike that fool, that so-called expert Karl Blinng. This vindicates my argument that Yetis and Bigfoots are the same species of Gigantopithicus Revoltus, and share common body odor DNA! Scoreboard AGAIN, Blinng!"

Last known photo taken of the mysterious Sino Sasquatch
before it escaped into the mountains.

Erk Holohed, international cheap baseball cap trader and an unfortunate Great Wall tourist who witnessed the nasty Bigfoot incursion, was hysterically historical about it.... "Some Great Wall, yeah sure.... ancient walls never stopped hygiene-deprived barbarians from attacking civilization in China, Rome, Yankee Stadium, and the rest of the world. So if the Great Wall couldn't stop Genghis Khan and his unwashed horde, how was it gonna stop a marauding Bigfoot!?"

Bigfoot Raids Sacred Japanese Temple!

Sorry Sasquatch sighting at famous Buddhist Temple - - Attracted by Giant Sandals? 
Surprised Buddhist Monk Accidently Breaks 53 year Vow of Silence!
The famous, ancient Japanese Kamakura Temple was subjected to kinetic chaos and bad karma for a few incredible hours when a renegade Bigfoot waltzed through the formerly serene temple grounds.

Brazen Bigfoot caught on camera by semi-shocked American tourist at Kamakura Temple.

An eyewitness claimed the apeman was flabbergasted by the huge sandals on display at the temple - - "I think that Monkeyman-san couldn't believe someone else had bigger feet than he did. And that disgusting odor he emitted, aromatic nirvana he was not! 私の神、その猿のものの匂いをした！"
Damage to ancient temple buildings is being assessed by disaster engineers and graffiti experts, "We are hoping the beast only caused minor damage, but a deep fumigation of the entire complex is totally required now".

Shocked Temple visitors wait outside while police search buildings for Bigfoot, in vain.

An elderly Monk, observing a 53 year long Vow of Silence, accidentally broke his vow when bumping face-to-face into the huge, snarling, smelly beast. Temple authorities are quiet about what the Monk actually said, but eyewitnesses said it was the Japanese equivalent of "Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!" *. 
Under these circumstances, Temple management are considering giving the shocked Monk a pass, based upon the considerable mental shock he received. "Ah-so desuka, going nose-to-nose with a hairy stinky Sasquatch without warning is not like meditation in a Zen Rock Garden! Our beloved Brother Monk is in rehabilitation, and we are optimistic he will recover soon." 
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the famous YETI not SETI Institute in bustling Yuba City, California, has also vowed to take an Oath of Silence. "Yeah, I had a stupid gag-order slapped on me about a certain rubberized bigfoot incident back in 2008 and a allegedly fraudulent $3,000 payout. That judge has no sense of humor.... I can't talk about that case... No Comment!"


*Unauthorized translation into Japanese: "よく、オクラに唐辛子を入れていないことなら！"

Mr. Bill Bashed by Bigfoots!

Hollywood Celebrity Mr. Bill Mugged by Wild Band of Sasquatch - - Tinsel Town Glitteri Aghast!
Mr. Bill, the famous retired TV celebrity and comedian, was attacked and robbed yesterday by a rare gang of outlaw Bigfoots roaming wild near Vail, Colorado. The Bigfoot attack was captured live by a security camera at the posh In~Excess Spa & Mountain Resort, where Mr. Bill has been a guest. 

Bigfoot Attack on Hollywood Celebrity Mr. Bill! Mr. Bill beat-up and mugged by criminal Sasquatches in Vail.

"I was chilling, walking down a lovely nature trail next to the Spa, getting ready for my private organic Bali Exotique® dung facial and greenhouse gas detox sessions, when these very nasty Bigfoots attacked me. They were not nice. They were mean. Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooo! The apemen took my precious cheetos and whiskey flask.... I had nothing left to keep me alive in that nasty wilderness. Luckily a very nice resort person drove by in a trendy Prius golf cart and rescued me. Can we exclude bigfoots from the trendy Hollywood Fur-Free ban?" Mr. Bill was treated for minor lacerations and released from the local Vail Hollywood Celebrity Losers Rehab Centre today. 


The mayor of Vail has urged calm. "Be Calm! Don't call your stock broker. Drink a Mimosa or something." The local Vail police have doubled patrols. Citizens have been warned to carry only tasteless, trendy organic food when going outside, as bigfoots crave junk food and will do anything to get it.  


Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Yeti Not Seti Institute in serene Yuba City, California, was irritated. "Mr. Bill is a has-been, he's living off his past. Mr. Bill hasn't been in any decent movie or TV show since the 1970's. He even tried to hit the Spanish speaking market with a disaster called "Señor Guillermo" in the 90's, it was a total bust... his drug and alcohol addictions really messed him up. So this loser is spending $600 a night at a swank resort in the Rocky Mountains living the high life, when I could use that money acquiring precious Bigfoot bodily fluid DNA! Pseudo-science is not respected in this country! My genius is not appreciated! Not that I'm bitter or anything...."


Only Bigfoot News and Sasquatch Sightings can bring you the latest, amazing news on Gigantopithicus Robustus Revoltus.

Japan on High Alert - - BigFoot Attacks Shock Nation!

Sasquatch Kraziness in Kyoto - - Total Terror in Tokyo - - Brazen Bigfoot attacks Japan!
(Tokyo) Breaking News - - Japanese are in pseudo-panic today from the amazing news of a 'stinky, wild, apeman-san' caught snoring while napping inside the Shogun's sleeping quarters at historic Nijo Castle, trashing the palace in the process.
"This is a misanthropic catastrophe of epic proportions.", said one of the emergency repairman sent to mitigate the extensive damage, "I'm going to make a lot yen on this job!". The Sasquatch escaped disoriented security guards and ran into the Castle gardens, robbing tourists of mysterious Japanese junk food and then disappearing into the surrounding area. Reports of an entire grove of Japanese plum trees wilting after the marauding Bigfoot 'relieved itself' nearby are under investigation.

Sasquatch attack at Nijo Castle! Local tourists thought the animal was part of the castle's entertainment until the ape beast stole their fried fish bone snacks.

Tokyo not Spared from BigFoot Barrage!
Just hours later, perplexed police suspect the same abominable apeman showed up in Tokyo, terrorizing unsuspecting shoppers. "Why us?!", said a frustrated local commuter, "Tokyo gets attacked by all the monsters.... it's not fair! First Godzilla, then Mothra, then Baragon, then Barney. Just when you think we're safe, this pathetic excuse for an Apeman attacks us?! I'm fed up! I'm moving to Itabashi. Nothing ever happens out there". 

Bigfoot in Tokyo - - Police warn citizens to be on the lookout. "He is clever and can blend into a crowd, be careful! If you see an 2.4 meter high missing link Apeman covered in matted fur and flies, that could be our suspect!", said a senior captain of Tokyo's crackerjack criminal monsters investigation force.

Godzilla Considering Legal Action Against Sasquatch:

Godzilla versus Bigfoot - Flames versus Fumes?

Responding to speculation that the mystery Sasquatch was poaching on Godzilla's turf, Godzilla's legal team issued a brief statement today confirming that the Big Lizard is looking into legal action against the uppity hominid.
"Our client has clear legal precedent in Japan for rights to commit all mayhem and chaos in Tokyo.", said a representative of Atsueme & Scruyu legal partners, "We will file a cease and desist order on this sorry Sasquatch. If that doesn't work, our client will use his atomic breath and incinerate that mangy furball!"