Wisconsin Bigfoot Attack! Cheeseheads Panic. Packers Lose.

Snarly Sasquatch Attacks Rare Roof Goats at Famous Wisconsin Cheesehead Restaurant!

A well known tourist icon in Wisconsin has become a scene of bezerk Bigfoot mayhem this week when a rare Great Lakes Sasquatch suddenly appeared at Al Johnson's famous Swedish restaurant in quaint Is That Your Sister Bay, Wisconsin. "It was totally crazy!", said a shift manager, "Ya sure, one minute business is all great and 'would you like yet another Swedish Meatball to go with that Varmrökt lax?', when suddenly this hairy hideous beast appears outside the restaurant, scaring our poor roof goats and patrons alike! It's going to take hours to clean up this mess and we're still trying to round up all them goats... they are terrified out of their little goaty brains, yoo betcha!"

Cheesehead Goats in Peril:
Wild Sasquatch caught on camera, charging Al Johnson's formerly placid roof goats.

Sister Bay police are on high alert, and have advised citizens to stay indoors until April. "Hey, it's winter! It's too damn cold out now anyhoo. Stop to da Pig for beer if you need to, but try and wait until Spring to venture out in the snow drifts. Our lovely winter will drive that nasty Bigfoot beast right back to Chicago, where he no doubt came from.", said a city spokesman. A 24 hour surveillance camera has been installed at the restaurant, in an attempt to capture an image of the marauding monster.

Inte välkomna! Bigfoot not welcome here!
Famous roof goats missing in action as Sasquatch scares them away.

Along with the novel sighting of a Bigfoot in Wisconsin, stunned eyewitnesses watched as the Al Johnson Roof Goats leaped off the grass roof in a frantic race to escape the frightening and odoriferous ape-man, while simultaneously breaking  the longstanding, 40 year-old, Guinness World Record for international goat leaping. "You'd a thought them goats had wings!", said an amazed local.  

Cheeky Sasquatch looking chuffed at all the goat chaos he caused. 

Cheesehead Chaos Considered:
What drove the hairy semi-simian to attack the goats? "There are many reasons!", exclaimed world famous Sasquatch expert Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the ivy covered* YETI not SETI Institute in Yuba City, California. "Buy my book to learn them all. What, you think I'd be STUPID enough to tell you all the motivations a Sasquatch would have to attack feral roof goats, when I can sell them to you? Hah, I wasn't born yesterday, you know!"

*The Institute is a bit behind in payments to their landscaping service. A simple misunderstanding, we can assure you. Any donations will be greedily accepted.

Bigfoot Sighting in Germany! Hamburg Hectic from Ape Man Attacks!

Sasquatch Sours Sunday Strolls for Happy Hamburgers!

The City of Hamburg was put on high alert this weekend as random citizens reel from multiple sightings of a rare Bigfoot - - causing mayhem, neurotic dogs, and unprovoked beer drinking in mass quantities. "Hamburg has been horribly hurt.", said the Mayor, Bürgermeister Olaf Scholz, "Heck, Hamburg has been Harried, Hoodwinked, Harrassed, and Humiliated!".

Amazing Bigfoot Sighting along Lake Alster in Hamburg, causing massive
panic amongst terrified yippy yapping little fluffy dogs and irritating honking geese.

Erupting like a sewage spill from the marsh along formerly idyllic Lake Alster, the monster ape-man ran down a hiking trail towards the center of the city, sniffing over-cooked fried Frikadelle downwind and leaving behind dangerous public hygiene emergencies. Several joggers fell victim to these "landmines" and were briefly hospitalized and decontaminated.
"I was terrified!", exclaimed a day-old bratkartoffeln vendor, "the foul beast ran straight to our food fair tents and grabbed any fried junk-food he could stuff in his mouth. Igitt! That poor excuse for an animal grossed me out... I'm only going to fry tofu-flavored pretzels from now on, it's safer. What a hairy, smelly thief! "

Was für eine schreckliche Bestie!
IT CAME FROM THE LAKE! Hamburg invaded by rare Sasquatch intruder.

Top German scientists not involved in rocket research are investigating how this disgusting North American simian made a surprise nasty appearance in Hamburg. Almost-famous German Sasquatch expert, Dr. Pompös von Lächerlich, has a new theory, which he hopes to peddle to Stern magazine: "Das Sasquatch is perhaps not a strange seafarer from Amerika, no? Perhaps he come uninvited from Belgium, Ja? It is a known fact that Belgium has nasty Bigfoots roaming the countryside!"