Bigfoot Sighting in Hawaii!

Sasquatch Spotted Near Hualālai Volcano in Hawaii!

An unprecedented Bigfoot sighting at the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park at the Huluhoop, er, Hualihee, er, Hulubbahubba.... ah forget it! The beast was spotted near an active volcano, OK? National park rangers and crypto-anthropologists are erupting with excitement.

A group of mainland tourists visiting Hawaii on a holiday junket to the Big Island surprisingly spotted a nearly charred Sasquatch near the hulihee volcano. The animal was strolling over to a recently cooked picnic table, sniffing for any left-over french fries which survived recent lava flows. Local tourists, already dehydrated from the scorching lava, were shocked to see the ape-man. "The silly sasquatch looked dazed and thirsty, like it had been hanging around lava too long.", said one tourist, "Its hair was smelly and half-burnt - - it got way too close to the volcanoes. That beast didn't look very bright, to be honest."

One well-hydrated tourist took pity on the thermally traumatized terror, and gave the scorched Sasquatch a lukewarm Kona beer. The brew revived the beast long enough for it to steal two more beers and run off into a nearby forest.

Experts are very excited about all this volcanic sasquatch silliness. As a direct consequence of the sighting, the Federated League Association of BigFoot Believers (FLABB) has unanimously voted to hold their next convention at the Holiday Inn in Honolulu, ditching the luxurious Las Vegas Motel Six for the first time in years.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI Not SETI Institute, was steaming hot. "Gosh Darn It To HECK! I could have been on that expedition!" he erupted, "Instead I investigated the exotic mating habits of a rare flock of blue-banded-belly Banana Slugs near Santa Cruz. (Not a bad gig - I got paid $200 by the Cierra Klub). But how stupid of me! Believe me, even though I rarely get invited to the cool after-conference Ph.D parties, I'll be at that FLABB convention in Hawaii. And I'm going to submit a paper on this incident. Just because I wasn't there doesn't mean I can't pontificate at extraordinary length about it. Look at all those experts on TV. THEY can talk for hours, but have THEY ever seen a bigfoot? Ha! Amateurs!"

Is a Yeti the same as a BigFoot?

Ask The Bigfoot Experts:

"Is a Yeti the same as a Bigfoot"?

Yetis are fierce and annoying.

As self-proclaimed professional experts in Sasquatchology and related academic investigations of crypto-hominids, we at the YETI not SETI Institute get a lot of questions from the public, such as "where is my money?" and "are you guys really as dumb as you look?".

We don't answer those questions. For members of the curious public who thoughtfully slip $10 bills into their post-paid letters, we gladly answer all questions which do not concern legal matters.

Here is recent request from a Ms. Currey Balter living in Pasadena, Texas. Ms. Balter asks "So is a Yeti the same as a Bigfoot?" Ha! What a dumb question! Everyone knows that answer! Thanks for the 2 fivers, by the way.

A Yeti is a Himalayan version of BigFoot. A Bigfoot is a North American version of a Yeti. They are the same, but different. Like anchovies and celery sticks, or Spongebob Squarepants and Bart Simpson, or Nancy Pelosi and Nancy Sinatra, something like that. You know what we mean!

Of course, serious quasi-scientists speculate on the archeo-genetic relationship between these two species of smelly Eurasian and North American crypto-hominids. The endless theories fuel endless conferences at which these experts attend, most of which are in Las Vegas. The YETI not SETI institute always sends delegates to the Las Vegas events... competing conferences in Boise are sort of boring so we don't go.

Our fearless leader and illustrious founder Dr. Karl Blinng has submitted numerous papers to these events but the fools on the conference pseudo-science panels play politics and never approve his requests to present Institute findings.... they keep asking "where did you get your doctorate degree?" which is such a silly, biased, question and quite unfair! Fools! Idiots!

Well, as we were explaining in our elitist condescending manner, the natural range of feral Yetis are found in Central Asia, Siberia, and the Himalayas. Wild Bigfoots are found in remote areas of North America and hang around fast-food joints. Both are equally obnoxious.

Hey Sasquatch Pseudo-Science Fans! Send us your questions!

We'll be happy to ignore them unless financial incentives are attached.

Sasquatch Seen Sauntering Through Savanna Grassland!

Bigfoot Spotted in Grassland During Gracious Lobster Dining Ice Age.

Alert and inebriated guests at a fund raiser for the Arts in Livermore Valley were treated to a rare Bigfoot sighting. While truly amazing and shocking, the passing Sasquatch gained little notice as most of the guests were either slap-happy from too much Wente wine, or frozen stiff from the wind and fog that ripped through the prestigious Cape Cod Lobster Fest event.

Savanna Sasquatch sighted in Livermore.

The fund raiser director was shocked. "I was shocked", she said, "First we ran out of finger food and organic tofu salad, then those fancy olives with tooth picks in them were gone, then we were in danger of running out of delicious luke-warm lobster bathed in margarine. Man, those people could eat, like they'd never seen melted lard before! Then the wind kicked up. Then the fog rolled in. As the theme of the event was "Cape Cod Nudity Beach and Lobster Boil", people were suffering from the unexpected cold weather. Then this nasty beast lurking in the grassland was spotted strolling nearby next to the golf course. Thank God we had exciting radio and TV personalities to entertain the crowd, or we would have had panic!".

Nearby golfers took little notice, as the fourth hole had a particularly devilish angle involving sand traps for chip shots and putting. "Bigfoot? What Bigfoot? I had $100.00 riding on that hole, and messed up my putt thanks to the commotion over at that fancy artsy fartsy party. Screw Sasquatch!" said a frustrated local duffer.

Livermore police are once again flummoxed by yet another Sasquatch sighting. "Why us? What did we do to deserve this yet again?", said an exasperated spokesman. Livermore has been the victim of numerous Bigfoot sightings in the last few years for no apparent reason, other than the fact the city is host to a top secret government research laboratory which is harboring revolutionary alien teeth cleaning technologies and is attempting a dangerous experiment to combine brussel sprouts and oregano through laser driven nuclear fusion.

YETI not SETI Institute Director Back at Work after IRS Agreement.

YETI not SETI Institute Director released on plea-bargain and parole.

Esteemed Director of the World Famous YETI not SETI Institute Returns to Work.

Residents were enthusiastic about Dr. Blinng's return.