Posh Panama Perplexed By Bigfoot Sighting!

Perturbed Panamanians Panic, Pout, and Pontificate on Rare Sasquatch Sighting!

Panama City residents are in a uproar, more than usual, over multiple sightings of a reclusive Panama Bigfoot in formerly fancy ocean-front neighborhoods. The hairy ape-beast was spotted haunting Punta Pacifica, Punta Paitilla, and the Cinta Costera neighborhoods, apparently searching for raspao and left-over artisanal pizza slices.

Sasquatch Spoiling Posh Punta Pacifica - Condo Prices Crashed within Minutes!

A local Punta Pacifica realtor was shocked. "I was showing some potential buyers a nice condo unit in Bahia Lotte Grande, the building formerly known as the Frump International Hotel & Tower. I had those buyers hook, line, and sinker. Cash sale! But it all turned into a real stinker once they saw that ugly sasquatch thingy loitering around the main entrance plaza. People were astounded! I had to discount that unit 25% to get the deal done. I'm going to write a book on this, called 'The art of the Bigfoot deal'."

Bigfoot caught Gazing at the Cinta Costera. 

The Cinta Costera is normally full of happy fashionably jaded joggers, willful walkers, scattered students and toasty tourists. These people move much faster than the traffic on nearby Avenida Balboa. But not today. Once word spread of a Bigfoot sighting the place emptied out within minutes. Sanitation experts closed the formerly scenic pathway for hours while checking for any bio-hazard souvenirs the beast may have left behind.

Panama Sasquatch Sours Punta Paitilla.

Punta Paitilla was not spared from the Sasquatch's big Panama adventure. Sightings brought street traffic to a virtual standstill, but no one in the area could tell the difference.

Bigfoot Saunters Past Club Union. Membership Plummets. Keep Walking Bigfoot!

The classy Club Union in Punta Paitilla received a hairy hit from the Panama Bigfoot incursion. After the beastie was spotted sauntering by the exclusive Club membership cancellations were rumored to have tripled, though management is not commenting.

Erk Holohead, a dues paying bored of directors member of the YETI not SETI Institute in bone-dry Yuba City, California, was paranoid about Panama. "I'm paranoid! There have been a diaper RASH of puzzling Panama Bigfoot sightings in recent years, but no one is taking action! No one is talking about it! Well, except for the 25 independent candidates running from the President of Panama in 2019, but no one listens to them anyway."

This brave blog has been tracking Bigfoot activities in Panama for years. The evidence is clear, something pernicious is happening in Panama, and positively involves a nasty ape-man with poor public hygiene.