BigFoot Mexico Mayhem - - Mexico City on Alert!

Mexico City takes Hair-Raising Fright as Savage Sasquatch Roams Historic Downtown - - Centro Historico in Chaos!

Mexico City BigFoot attempts to hide among innocent Saturday
morning  shoppers and pickpockets while looking for rancid tacos de 
carnitas misterioso street stalls to steal tasty snack food morsels.

Mexico City has been victimized by a rare but devastating BigFoot Sighting, causing multiple traffic accidents, panicked shoppers and paranoid fast food street sellers.

"It was incredible! Said an eyewitness, "We were looking for a copy of Darwin's "The Origin of Suspect Species" at a specialty bookstore when that horrible Ape Beast appeared in the doorway of the shop and laughed at us. At first I thought it was some juvenile idiot in a monkey suite, but all those fleas jumping off his body told me this was not a joke!"

Bad Bigfoot nervously eluding a frantic Police Sasquatch Search just
blocks from  the historic Zócalo Main Plaza in Mexico City.

The Mexico Bigfoot caused a rash of traffic accidents and fainting spells as he wandered around the streets in the area. "That monkey-beast had a horrible aroma, like the worst kind of rotten cheese you can think of, and it really messed up Calle de Tacuba", said a part-time acid-rock accordion player, "there were rear-end car accidents everywhere, and even worse, the shoppers and tourists disappeared - - bad for business, very bad for my nose!"

A Mexico City Police spokesman issued a public announcement concerning the Sasquatch sighting salvaje:

Street Camera catches sneaky Sasquatch leaving the scene of the crime:
After causing  a seven-car accident the hominid runs away...
shocked and dumbfounded motorists had gazed in disbelief. 

"The ape man is really dumb and very dangerous. It is desperate to steal rancid tacos and loves to scare our good citizens of Mexico City. If you spot this beast please call us! I have no idea what we'll do if we catch him, to be honest." * 

"Bigfoots have been spotted in Mexico City before.", said Grisalia Rojez, Ph.D. of  Chupacabrolgy at the Instituto de Cosas Tontas para Estudiar (ICTE), "It is a total mystery why these obnoxious beasts bother us!"

* Translation for the good people of Mexico City: "El hombre mono es tonto y peligroso. Está desesperado de robar tacos rancios y le encanta asustar a los buenos ciudadanos de la Ciudad de México. Si usted ve esta bestia por favor llámenos! No tengo idea de lo que vamos a hacer si lo cogemos, para ser honesto."

Panama Island Bigfoot Sighting!

Wild Bigfoot Spotted on Taboga Island in Panama! Locals in Shock.

Surf, Sand and Sasquatch?!

The beautiful tropical island of Isla Taboga in Panama was shaken, not stirred, by an odoriferous rogue Bigfoot, ruining New Years Eve celebrations for thousands. A horrified local saw it all... "That mala bestia roamed the village stealing  fried plantains and papas fritas - - the apeman really liked rancid old patacones the best, like a demented loco. The monkey-man scared our snoozing dogs, chillin' chickens, and serene cats nearly to death! Taboga is a laid back kind of place, ¿sabes?, we don't get this kind of 'excitement' around here."

Sorry Sasquatch caught roaming a formerly swanky area of Isla Taboga. Distress "For  Sale" signs sprouted like weeds after the hairy BigFoot was spotted.

The Autoridad de Tourismo Panamá issued a statement that while BigFoots have been seen in Panama before, there was no need for tourists to panic and change vacation plans to scenic North Korea. 

A senior tourist official, off the record, said "Esto como una gran oportunidad para alentar a Sasquatch Hunter turismo en Panamá. Vamos a pedir a los tontos del canal Animal Planet Hunters Bigfoot aquí. Pasarán un montón de dinero! Son un grupo de payasos. Oye, no me estás citando ¿verdad?".*

*Translation: "The Animal Planet BigFoot Hunters are our very best friends, and we encourage these intelligent, brave Sasquatch (and need I add well-funded) hunters to come to Panama and spend lots of money, and finally  find a Sasquatch. Hello! Ah, did I mention they can spend lots of money here too?"

CNN Humiliated After Missing Sasquatch Scoop of the Century!

Bigfoot Sighting at CNN World Headquarters Completely Missed by Elite News Team - - "Heads will Roll!"


The mangy fur is flying inside the CNN newsroom this week after an intrepid reporter for a local high school paper made an amazing Sasquatch sighting inside CNN's world headquarters, badly embarrassing the gaggle of professional multi-million CNN dollar news anchors equipped with cutting edge laser whitened dental implants and state-of-the-art polymer hairdos.

SCOOPED: Bigfoot spotted inside CNN World Headquarters by High School paper reporter.

The baffled Bigfoot was spotted roaming inside the giant CNN lobby, amazed at the big amazing CNN globe and the bigger more amazing CNN souvenir shop. "He looked really dumb & dazed", said an eye-witness, "like he'd never seen a CNN coffee mug with Anderson Cooper's face on it with before! I bet he wuz looking for FOX News and got seriously lost."

POOPED: Piers Morgan's ratings slip yet again with Bigfoot mishap, missing chance for exclusive Sasquatch guest interview.

Having seen enough of Anderson Cooper t-shirts, the shaken Bigfoot fled the CNN building, leaving behind a crowd of stunned CNN tourists and has-been celebrity interviewees. "I thought he was a guest star on the Animal Planet Channel.", said a retiree from Florida, "He sure seemed horribly casual about his personal hygiene!"*

Sasquatch leaving CNN World Headquarters in a huff, miffed he was not given an guest appearance on Larry King.

A shake-up in CNN's news anchor line-up is rumored after the Bigfoot bombshell. "This sorry Sasqautch gap in our news reporting is completely unacceptable." said Suzan Grunt, senior news director, "Look at FOX and MSNBC! They cover hairy apemen all the time... we must up our Bigfoot reporting game!"  


*Sasquatch, not Cooper Anderson.

Chaos in China! Sino Sasquatch Scares Great Wall!

Bigfoot Sighted at Great Wall of China!

A day at the Great Wall of China was ruined for thousands of Chinese and international tourists when a badly bathed Bigfoot was discovered dithering on the famous wall at Badaling, just outside of Beijing. In the ensuing panic, several hundred priceless 'I saw the Great Wall while standing on my head' t-shirts were lost. "Great Wall not-so-great now", said a local Great Wall cheap baseball cap vendor, "that stinky yeti sneak in, cause trouble, no good, no good!".

Sneaky Sasquatch blending in with crowds of unsuspecting tourists at Great Wall.

The throngs of Great Wall visitors were blissfully ignorant of the nearby proximity of the mangy monkey-man, when someone spotted the beast and screamed "YETI!". Immediate primate pandemonium ensued, with the Sasquatch fleeing the scene pursued by hundreds of irate tourists holding hanker-chefs to their noses in an attempt to thwart the 'inhuman stench' emitting from the hairy hide of the Bigfoot.

China Bigfoot running on the wall, escaping the rampaging mob intent on giving him a bath.

The raiding Bigfoot managed to steal some delectable street-vendor snack food before escaping, including fried scorpion and beetle-on-a-stick."He liked my fried chicken feet the most... he stole them all!" said an out-of-business victim. Almost famous Chinese Yeti expert Dim Wit Chann was weirdly excited by this Bigfoot sighting in China. "Aha! This proves my amazing theory, a theory which only true genius like mine can inspire... unlike that fool, that so-called expert Karl Blinng. This vindicates my argument that Yetis and Bigfoots are the same species of Gigantopithicus Revoltus, and share common body odor DNA! Scoreboard AGAIN, Blinng!"

Last known photo taken of the mysterious Sino Sasquatch
before it escaped into the mountains.

Erk Holohed, international cheap baseball cap trader and an unfortunate Great Wall tourist who witnessed the nasty Bigfoot incursion, was hysterically historical about it.... "Some Great Wall, yeah sure.... ancient walls never stopped hygiene-deprived barbarians from attacking civilization in China, Rome, Yankee Stadium, and the rest of the world. So if the Great Wall couldn't stop Genghis Khan and his unwashed horde, how was it gonna stop a marauding Bigfoot!?"

Bigfoot Raids Sacred Japanese Temple!

Sorry Sasquatch sighting at famous Buddhist Temple - - Attracted by Giant Sandals? 
Surprised Buddhist Monk Accidently Breaks 53 year Vow of Silence!
The famous, ancient Japanese Kamakura Temple was subjected to kinetic chaos and bad karma for a few incredible hours when a renegade Bigfoot waltzed through the formerly serene temple grounds.

Brazen Bigfoot caught on camera by semi-shocked American tourist at Kamakura Temple.

An eyewitness claimed the apeman was flabbergasted by the huge sandals on display at the temple - - "I think that Monkeyman-san couldn't believe someone else had bigger feet than he did. And that disgusting odor he emitted, aromatic nirvana he was not! 私の神、その猿のものの匂いをした！"
Damage to ancient temple buildings is being assessed by disaster engineers and graffiti experts, "We are hoping the beast only caused minor damage, but a deep fumigation of the entire complex is totally required now".

Shocked Temple visitors wait outside while police search buildings for Bigfoot, in vain.

An elderly Monk, observing a 53 year long Vow of Silence, accidentally broke his vow when bumping face-to-face into the huge, snarling, smelly beast. Temple authorities are quiet about what the Monk actually said, but eyewitnesses said it was the Japanese equivalent of "Well, if that don’t put pepper in the gumbo!" *. 
Under these circumstances, Temple management are considering giving the shocked Monk a pass, based upon the considerable mental shock he received. "Ah-so desuka, going nose-to-nose with a hairy stinky Sasquatch without warning is not like meditation in a Zen Rock Garden! Our beloved Brother Monk is in rehabilitation, and we are optimistic he will recover soon." 
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the famous YETI not SETI Institute in bustling Yuba City, California, has also vowed to take an Oath of Silence. "Yeah, I had a stupid gag-order slapped on me about a certain rubberized bigfoot incident back in 2008 and a allegedly fraudulent $3,000 payout. That judge has no sense of humor.... I can't talk about that case... No Comment!"


*Unauthorized translation into Japanese: "よく、オクラに唐辛子を入れていないことなら！"

Mr. Bill Bashed by Bigfoots!

Hollywood Celebrity Mr. Bill Mugged by Wild Band of Sasquatch - - Tinsel Town Glitteri Aghast!
Mr. Bill, the famous retired TV celebrity and comedian, was attacked and robbed yesterday by a rare gang of outlaw Bigfoots roaming wild near Vail, Colorado. The Bigfoot attack was captured live by a security camera at the posh In~Excess Spa & Mountain Resort, where Mr. Bill has been a guest. 

Bigfoot Attack on Hollywood Celebrity Mr. Bill! Mr. Bill beat-up and mugged by criminal Sasquatches in Vail.

"I was chilling, walking down a lovely nature trail next to the Spa, getting ready for my private organic Bali Exotique® dung facial and greenhouse gas detox sessions, when these very nasty Bigfoots attacked me. They were not nice. They were mean. Ohhhhhhhh Nooooooo! The apemen took my precious cheetos and whiskey flask.... I had nothing left to keep me alive in that nasty wilderness. Luckily a very nice resort person drove by in a trendy Prius golf cart and rescued me. Can we exclude bigfoots from the trendy Hollywood Fur-Free ban?" Mr. Bill was treated for minor lacerations and released from the local Vail Hollywood Celebrity Losers Rehab Centre today. 


The mayor of Vail has urged calm. "Be Calm! Don't call your stock broker. Drink a Mimosa or something." The local Vail police have doubled patrols. Citizens have been warned to carry only tasteless, trendy organic food when going outside, as bigfoots crave junk food and will do anything to get it.  


Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the Yeti Not Seti Institute in serene Yuba City, California, was irritated. "Mr. Bill is a has-been, he's living off his past. Mr. Bill hasn't been in any decent movie or TV show since the 1970's. He even tried to hit the Spanish speaking market with a disaster called "Señor Guillermo" in the 90's, it was a total bust... his drug and alcohol addictions really messed him up. So this loser is spending $600 a night at a swank resort in the Rocky Mountains living the high life, when I could use that money acquiring precious Bigfoot bodily fluid DNA! Pseudo-science is not respected in this country! My genius is not appreciated! Not that I'm bitter or anything...."


Only Bigfoot News and Sasquatch Sightings can bring you the latest, amazing news on Gigantopithicus Robustus Revoltus.

Japan on High Alert - - BigFoot Attacks Shock Nation!

Sasquatch Kraziness in Kyoto - - Total Terror in Tokyo - - Brazen Bigfoot attacks Japan!
(Tokyo) Breaking News - - Japanese are in pseudo-panic today from the amazing news of a 'stinky, wild, apeman-san' caught snoring while napping inside the Shogun's sleeping quarters at historic Nijo Castle, trashing the palace in the process.
"This is a misanthropic catastrophe of epic proportions.", said one of the emergency repairman sent to mitigate the extensive damage, "I'm going to make a lot yen on this job!". The Sasquatch escaped disoriented security guards and ran into the Castle gardens, robbing tourists of mysterious Japanese junk food and then disappearing into the surrounding area. Reports of an entire grove of Japanese plum trees wilting after the marauding Bigfoot 'relieved itself' nearby are under investigation.

Sasquatch attack at Nijo Castle! Local tourists thought the animal was part of the castle's entertainment until the ape beast stole their fried fish bone snacks.

Tokyo not Spared from BigFoot Barrage!
Just hours later, perplexed police suspect the same abominable apeman showed up in Tokyo, terrorizing unsuspecting shoppers. "Why us?!", said a frustrated local commuter, "Tokyo gets attacked by all the monsters.... it's not fair! First Godzilla, then Mothra, then Baragon, then Barney. Just when you think we're safe, this pathetic excuse for an Apeman attacks us?! I'm fed up! I'm moving to Itabashi. Nothing ever happens out there". 

Bigfoot in Tokyo - - Police warn citizens to be on the lookout. "He is clever and can blend into a crowd, be careful! If you see an 2.4 meter high missing link Apeman covered in matted fur and flies, that could be our suspect!", said a senior captain of Tokyo's crackerjack criminal monsters investigation force.

Godzilla Considering Legal Action Against Sasquatch:

Godzilla versus Bigfoot - Flames versus Fumes?

Responding to speculation that the mystery Sasquatch was poaching on Godzilla's turf, Godzilla's legal team issued a brief statement today confirming that the Big Lizard is looking into legal action against the uppity hominid.
"Our client has clear legal precedent in Japan for rights to commit all mayhem and chaos in Tokyo.", said a representative of Atsueme & Scruyu legal partners, "We will file a cease and desist order on this sorry Sasquatch. If that doesn't work, our client will use his atomic breath and incinerate that mangy furball!"

Texas Bigfoot Trashes Nature Walk

Bigfoot spotted at Brazos River - - Texas nature trail shuts down in panic!

A outlaw gang of Texas bird watchers, searching for the exceedingly rare spotted-triple-breasted-twit, ran smack into a wild Bigfoot during a recent bird hunting expedition along the Brazos River. Panic ensued. 
"We were already plenty scared, what with the nature trail sign telling us to be careful of feral coyotes, wild hogs, stinging wasps, poisonous snakes, and rancid real estate agents, when all of a sudden this furry apeman jumped right in front of us and got really, really angry. We thought that crazy bigfoot was going to attack us - - but it was mad at the nature trail sign, apparently because bigfoots weren't listed as being dangerous. I think his ego has hurt, poor smelly beast. That bigfoot busted that sign up real good and ran off into the trees."

And Bigfoots? What about Bigfoots?  Visitors complain the nature trial warning sign doesn't warn hikers of a savage Sasquatch danger.

Sheriff patrols, equipped with more coffee and donuts than usual, have been increased along the Brazos river in an attempt to calm the frightened public. Fort Bend County animal control officials released a "no comment" statement when questioned about the bigfoot sighting. "We're not talking", said one county official, "we're still getting flack for the way we handled that flying saucer traffic ticket incident last year.... we're not stupid!"

Bigfoot Creature Found on Mars!

Shock Rover Image - - Bigfoot Living on Mars... 
Vandalizes Martian Rover...  Massive NASA Cover-up Exposed!

Bigfoot on Mars! Amazing Rover photo captures image of a Martian Sasquatch moments before the Spirit Rover is mysteriously knocked out of action.

There is exclusive and undeniable proof that Bigfoots live on Mars. A California NASA Utility Technical Sanitation engineer (NUTS - Class III), claims NASA is hiding this amazing truth from the public. "The Mars Spirit Rover did not stop operations because someone left the parking brake on by accident - - the official Pasadena Jet Propulsion Laboratory explanation." 
"No! The Spirit Rover was attacked by a obnoxious, juvenile delinquent Sasquatch. The ape-boy maliciously vandalized the mega-million dollar rover and left copious amounts of urea on the Rover's sensitive instruments. That martian monkey-man peed on our delicate, expensive, high-technology sensors. They were ruined in seconds. We're not laughing here at NASA... 10 years of work down the drain, just p*ssed away as it where. That little punk ape-man is going to pay."

NASA rover image: Bigfoot is roaming Mars and up to no good.

Briian Leerky, Ph.D. in Sasquatchology at Houton's Rice University, was really geeked up. "This photo is just incredible - - there is life on Mars, and it is shaggy, hairy, smelly, and would T-P your house in a Martian second if it knew what houses and toilet paper were. Proof of this foul beast on Mars also explains the mysterious trace methane we've found polluting the Martian atmosphere." 

As usual, the YETI not SETI Institute is way ahead of MonsterQuest in reporting these incredible Bigfoot sightings.

Dr. Karl Blinng quickly paid $3,000 cash to obtain the Martian Sasquatch photo. "This new scientific evidence is even better than the Marvin the Martian Opportunity Rover photo I paid $2,400 last year... what a scientific coup. I'll be famous!"

Missing Link Invades NYC Natural History Museum!

Night in the Museum for Bungling Bigfoot - - Locked inside at Closing Time - - Mistaken for an Exhibit. Museum Management Cover-up......

Numb New York City citizens, angry Anthropologists and mummified museum patrons are in an uproar over an alleged Bigfoot invasion of the American Natural History Museum this weekend. Not only did the Sasquatch get inside the museum, but it became trapped, spending a night in the museum when closing time came. 

Sorry Sasquatch trapped for the night in the Natural History Museum,
eating stale vending machine snacks and drinking luke-warm coca-cola to survive.

This brilliant blog has obtained an exclusive interview with a Museum employee: 
"Oh yeah, it happened all right! Our security cameras tracked the apeman - - 'cause as a night shift security professional I waz takin' a power nap - - hey - - union rules, OK? Anyway, all them fleas he left behind was a good trail marker. The monkey man spent a lot of time in the Not-Eliot Spitzer Hall of Human Origins. That place gives me the creeps, you know? All them dead,really old hairy stuffed guys just lookin' at you with them glassy eyes... that Bigfoot was fascinated by them ancient apes and neanderthals, he got really excited when he saw 'em. On the security video, he called one "cousin" and talked to it. Can I have my 40 bucks now?"
New York City expert on Sasquatchology and recently retired politician Antony Weeiner, Ph.D, was in denial. "How do we know that was a Gigantopithecus Revoltus? Someone could have hacked that museum camera security system using Tweeter!" 

Ape Beast caught on camera, fleeing the Museum as it reopened the next morning.

The Bigfoot managed to survive his terrifying ordeal. When the Museum opened the next day, the Bigfoot bolted for freedom. "He ran outta there like a mangy trapped civet cat streaking out of a hot garage!", said an amazed Albuquerque tourist, "After seeing that, we decided to go to Times Square instead."

Museum personnel are combing every square inch of the building for any 'calling cards' left behind by the big ape. "Sasquatches don't use indoor plumbing - - we can confirm it." said a    disgusted museum volunteer.

Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the aspirational YETI not SETI Institute in recovering Yuba City, California, was amused. "Ha! You know what? I am amused! We have a lot better Bigfoot museum right here at the Institute. We sell really cool Sasquatch t-shirts... $12.95 on sale. I get a 10% commission, how many do you want?"