Sunday, May 15, 2011

Sasquatch Sighting in Central Park!

Bigfoot Spotted in New York City - - Roaming Central Park - - NYC "OMG"!
The jaded citizens of Gotham were astonished this weekend to learn a feral Bigfoot is living in Central Park, right under their stressed out noses. According to Gotham City police, the NYC Bigfoot is scrounging a living near "The Lake" in Central Park, taking advantage of heavy unnatural foliage and lost tourists to hide from Animal Control Inspectors and vicious Park Avenue Poodles.
Amazing photo of a wild Sasquatch roaming the remote badlands of Central Park.
How is this mysterious ape-creature surviving in Manhattan? According to quasi-experts at the Museum of unNatural History across from Central Park, the NYC Bigfoot is probably living off street-cart food and small furry animals. "We know these monkey-beasts crave both fried and junk food", said one scientist, "the beast appears to be foraging plenty of both. We've also noticed a dramatic drop in the squirrel and rat populations on the north side of the Park. Coincidence? I think not!"
City Hall is silent. "Are you kidding me?!", said a deputy junior part-time clerk in the Parks and Wreckreation Department, "If we lean on this Bigfoot ape guy, the Sierra Club will slap us with a endangered mythological species lawsuit in a New York minute! Better to just pretend that apeman isn't there."
Karl Blinng, Ph.D. and Director of the fabulous YETI not SETI Institute in semi-interesting Yuba City, California, was intrigued. "You know what? I am intrigued!", exclaimed Dr. Blinng, "We've known for years that New York City sewers harbor 30 foot python snakes, 60 pound rats, 2 ton alligators and Jimmy Hoffa... so a Sasquatch in NYC should not be a surprise. The question is, does the apeman know how to use the subway properly, or does he jump the turnstile?"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

True Report....When we were 17 years old my friend and I were hiking in Minnewaska State Park right outside of New Patze. We were on a hardscrabble service road that winds around the mountain when we heard rustling sounds on the left side and near some bushes. Then this bipedal creature about 5.5 feet tall and covered with hair or fur shot out across this road, then disappeared up the side of the boulder strewn hill. This was in 1970 in June. We could not believe our eyes and ran down the mountain to the road as quick as our feet would carry us.