Saturday, February 9, 2013

Bigfoot Bali Bashing!

Trouble in Paradise as Rare Bigfoot spotted on the Formerly Serene Tropical Paradise Known as Bali - Panicked Paleontologists Lobby to Move Conferences to Denpaser!

Battalions of Sasquatchologists are descending upon Bali as Legions of  Tourists are fleeing in the opposite direction, after the unsuspecting island of Bali suffered a serious, itchy, rash of bothersome Bigfoot sightings in the famous tropical tourist trap.
Amazing photo of fleeing Sasquatch Spotted in Bali Rice Paddy.
The loving terms people usually think of for Bali include 'tropical', 'paradise', 'beaches', 'booze', 'rip-off', and 'drunk Australians'. This rather naive view of the island has been greatly challenged by the sighting of a North American Bigfoot. The Bali department of tourism fleecing is now fighting hard to combat the latest terms hitting social media sites from Bali to Bombay to Baltimore to Brussels to Bong Bong - 'smelly', 'hairy', 'unfortunate', 'devolution', 'lice', and 'bloody bigfoots'.
Pondering Bigfoot - Sniffing fried food near a Bali temple,
the apeman paused for olfactory guidance. 
Both locals and tourists reported seeing the large ape-beast on the island. Police are feverishly searching frantically, but no further Sasquatch sightings have occurred since the Bigfoot robbed a street vendor of his rancid fried rice in Singaraja. "The hairy beast may be satiated for now", said local anthropologist Simalac Sardini, "but he will strike again! A pity the beast has not discovered the importance of good personal hygiene, nor of eating a healthy diet."
Bali, Beach, and Bigfoot?
Island's touristic reputation goes badly wrong
 when a Sasquatch soils scenic sands.
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the dubious SETI NOT YETI Institute in routine Yuba City, California, was on the island at the time of the bizarre Sasquatch sightings. "Yep, I was on that accursed island. I was on Bali for official Institute business, you understand, looking for places to stash my embezz.... er, to invest our valuable benefactor's contributions for the greater good of science, ah, and stuff like that. I never saw that illicit beast, but now that the pseudo-scientific world is going ga-ga over this, I smell an opportunity. I'm announcing a new Bali based Bigfoot Conference as soon as possible, charging $1,800 a head. To keep delegates from suspecting they're being completely ripped off, I've added a culture hour, free lunch, and added a bonus entire day focused on "homo floresiensis: were they real bigfoot hobbits, and are they in those middle earth New Zealand movies for crowd scenes"? I'll show them the Lord of the Rings trilogy. It's going to be great! I might even bring an intern from Chico State with me... hey, strictly business!

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