Sunday, November 20, 2016

Spiny Sasquatch Sighting at Joshua Trees National Momument!

Feral Bigfoot Beast Spotted Wandering Southern California Desert!

Tourists and covert cactus thieves at Joshua Trees National Monument were shocked this week when a Bigfoot sauntered into their spiky cactus wonderland.  
Bigfoot in the Desert: "I thought it was a guy in a alien monkey suit - - a bad actor in a low-budget science fiction movie."
"Honestly I thought we'd blundered into a Hollywood remake of Lost In Space, Star Trek, or The Sound Of Music when I saw the beast move across our path", confessed one shaken tourist. "But then that nasty ape-man decided to relieve himself against an innocent Joshua Tree. That poor cactus started looking very, very sick, very, very quickly. That's when I knew that hairy primate was no actor! Oh, and the horde of flies that kept following him around was another malevolent clue. Retched. I could use a Sasquatch safe space and a couple of whiskey shots right now."
Sasquatch scaring horrified hikers: "It was really, really ugly! Worse than a snake bite! Worse than Finals!"
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the highly leveraged YETI NOT SETI Institute in prissy but pristine Yuba City, California, was frustrated. 

"I'm frustrated. I modestly submitted my exulted name and script to be a super-special guest star on the new Star Trek TV show and suggested they do my awesome script. It'd make a great episode. See, I save the crew of the Enterprise from an evil, smelly, nasty Bigfoot on an alien planet that looks just like Joshua Trees National Monument or Miami Beach. I liked the Miami Beach idea best of all, as I get to sip margaritas on set and Uhura will be in a bikini. 

But those Hollywood morons turned me down! Idiots. But now here they go, stealing my idea and hiring some nobody Sasquatch with extremely rude public manners. I'll get my revenge, you'll see. We talented acting proteges know it takes time to be recognized for our supremely superior talents and abilities."

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