Bigfoot in Argentina: Buenos Aires No Bueno No Mas!

Sasquatch infiltrates Buenos Aires! "Malos Aires" in the breeze!

 As feared, a disgusting gringo Bigfoot beast entered the formerly glorious Argentine city of Buenos Aires after his unpleasant escapades in balmy Patagonia. 

Amazing photo of the simian searching for ageing left-over Choripán at street cafes.

"Ese mono simplemente caminaba por nuestra calle y cogía lo que le sobraba de las mesas de los restaurantes. ¡No tenía vergüenza! ¡Parece que él tampoco tiene papilas gustativas!" said a traumatized local attempting to enjoy his afternoon merienda in peace. Translation: "That monkey animal simply walked down our street and took whatever left-over food he wanted from restaurant tables. He had no shame! Apparently he has no taste-buds either!"

Sasquatch getting into the waving game at Restaurante La Biela. 

The Bigfoot was fixated by over-sized statues gracing the entrance of the Restaurante La Biela in central Buenos Aires. He aped (of course he would do that) the statues by waving at all passer-byes. "Our business, she drop-a 50, no 75, NO 100% when that crazy monkey stood outside!", exclaimed a shocked manager.

Crypto Beast Meets Mystery Meats!

Ham? Beef? Mutant Chicken Legs? Rhea? Whatever this meat was, Bigfoot was entranced and hungry.

Sasquatch lurking near the statue of General Manuel Belgrano.

Dr. Karl Blinng, President For Life of the YETI NOT SETI Institute in the Pampas region of Yuba City, California, was mortified. "I'm mortified! This beast was lost in the icy wastelands of Patagonia. I honestly thought we'd never see that stupid big Ape again. But look! He's hanging around Buenos Aires causing trouble! How did this dimwit crypto-creature get to Argentina in the first place? Walking through the treacherous Darien Gap, across the icy Andes, and through the vast malarial Amazon? I don't think so. He's dumb, but not that dumb. I'm confident he smuggled his way to the Southern Cone by ship or plane. He doesn't have frequent flier miles, that's for sure."

London Bigfoot Strikes Again!

Blimey! London Bigfoot Infestation Continues! Millions of Minions Mortified!

Londoners have been irritably inconvenienced by another sleuthy Bigfoot sighting. Sasquatch sightings continue in Central London and even (God Save The King) at Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch caught wondering around Trafalgar Square. Nelson was not amused.

Trafalgar Square Sighting!

It was a lovely damp, cold, drizzly English Sunday morning. Trafalgar Square was filled with distracted student groups making day trips, Pigeons eating left-over food in trash bins, Pigeons dive-bombing startled tourists, polite bums sleeping rough around the area, mediocre coffee shops, and more. Then a Bigfoot showed up. At first no one gave the ape-man any mind, but when the beast started chasing pigeons away from the bins so he could have his own Sunday brunch the crowd became alarmed and rushed pell-mell into the National Gallery seeking safety. In desperation, they were forced to wonder aimlessly and look at old paintings of fox hunts, earls, and dukes until the all-clear signal was given. Pigeons hate Sasquatches, these rats with wings fled the Trafalgar Square area and didn't dare return for three days. Locals want the Sasquatch to come back! 

Bigfoot and Mr. Bean spotted quite near Windsor Castle!

Sasquatch Sighting at Windsor Castle!

In a serious security breach a Bigfoot was spotted not only in the village of Windsor but inside the actual Castle complex! Fortunately the Royal Family was not at Windsor though some intruders who looked like Prince Andrew and HRH Meghan were seen trying to sneak into the Castle grounds. Officials are not talking. Whispers of a crypto-beast cover-up are rampant.  

Shocked tourist captures the horrific moment an odorous Bigfoot sauntered by a main gate at Windsor Castle.

Pall Mall Sighting! Horse Guards and Ghurkas Gobsmacked!

A bystander caught the back of the London Bigfoot's head during the parade. "I was going to tell him to move and not spoil my shot, but self-preservation told me otherwise!"

Bystanders were shocked when the Sasquatch appeared at a Horse Guards Parade, which also featured a Fighting Battalion of Gurkhas. The sudden arrival of the Bigfoot sparked a predictable equine pandemonium. With their keen sense of smell Horses hate Sasquatches. The parade quickly became a shambles as the horses were speedily sent off to their stables to recover. The plucky Ghurkas regiment became animated and excited, mistaking the hairy simian for a YETI. Parade formation was disrupted! Ghurkas get a little homesick at times. A good 'ol hairy YETI sighting from back home always gets their spirits up.     

British officials are mum on the sightings. Erk Holohead, a member of the bored of directors of the YETI not SETI Institute, which is conveniently located nearby a day-old bangers and mash joint in Yuba City, California, was not mum. "I'll not stay mum about these incredible London Bigfoot sightings. I'll stay mute! Yes, I've been paid off for my silence, along with a blackmail threat to reveal certain grey-area financial dealings to the IRS if I don't keep quiet. But I will say this about that... these Bigfoot sightings in London aren't over, except for Mayfair... it's way too posh for Sasquatches."

¡Increíbles estupideces! Bigfoot Sightings in the Southern Cone! Argentina Blames Chile Blames Brazil Blames Argentina!

Patagonia Pummeled by Odoriferous Mangy Sasquatch! Iguazu Falls Drys Up from Bigfoot Blunders!

A seriously wayward North American Sasquatch has caused a series of regrettable multinational 'incidents' deep within the Southern Cone of Latin America affecting Chile, Brazil, and Little Italy (otherwise known as Argentina). 

Patagonia Glaciers Despoiled by Chill Bigfoot:

A busload of naive tourists who payed big bucks to take a promised tour of Copacabana Beach during the infamous Rio Tanga Swimsuit Season were heartily hoodwinked and cheerfully diverted onto a nature tour deep into the freezing wastelands of temperate Patagonia. One perma-frosted North American attempted to take a photo of a huge glacier field when the Bigfoot barged right in front of his camera. "I was photo-bombed! That beast came up to me asking for unhealthy food choices! Fortunately I had some old pork rinds in my pocket. That kept the furry monster busy and I could make escape back onto the bus. I'm pretty sure we weren't in Rio de Janiero anymore?"  

Bigfoot encounters Iguazu Falls. 

Iguazu Falls Flatulence Flattens Tourists at now desiccated landmark!

The same busload of confused tourists were taken to a major landmark between Argentina and Brazil, the world famous Iguazu Falls, even though the tour guided stated they were visiting the Amazonia city of Manaus. "You know", said another dazed tourist, "I'm beginning to think booking this cut-rate local tour operator was a mistake? I mean, this looks nothing like Montevideo?" 

In an amazing coincidence yet another tourist's photos were photo-bombed by a Sasquatch! "Hey, that falls was a great water show! Better than Niagara or that time I had a water pipe burst on the second floor of my house. But when the water stopped the Falls were bone dry! What happened? Did we forget to tip the River Management?" The blockage of the Iguazu falls was quickly determined to be a chaotic dam thrown-up with old tires, pork rind bags, and matted mangy fur. "It was a dangerous Bigfoot that blocked the river! Between the tires, bags, and the beasts own loose hair, a dam quickly formed. Fortunately we were able to unblock the smelly mess with three tons of dynamite. We only needed 40 pounds of explosives... por qué no... but what the heck. We drank a case of Yatay Liqueur and had some fun!", exclaimed a rather relaxed Argentine Park Ranger. 

Sasquatch hiding in Patagonia?

It is suspected the Bigfoot has retreated deep into Patagonia. Patagonia is a hospitable region of the world famous for large cosmopolitan cities with 24 hour pizza delivery, vineyards, parrilladas, and charming blasting winds coupled with brutal antarctic temperatures which can deep-freeze a live elephant in 35 seconds. A dead elephant in 25 seconds, so we've been told. Dr. Karl Blinng, an expert on Patagonia, Sasquatches, and Frostbite, had some icy comments on this theory: "Fools! Patagonia is no place for man nor beast. Even crypto-beasts! OK, so if YOU were a Bigfoot, which would you choose? Teeming Buenos Aires with a million poor fried food choices to steal... errr liberate... OR a frozen wasteland where one can't even get a soggy day old frozen empanada? I rest my case. This gringo Sasquatch is hiding out in Argentina. He'll be back!"