Castle Crags State Park closed to public...
Massive Abominable Snowman hunt for Bigfoot Beast!
The State of California shut down Castle Crags State Park today after unsuspecting backpackers became of the victim of a brazen Sasquatch Yeti raid.
The Yeti Attack victims were traumatized: "After a long day hiking the trail, we were about to cook a freezed-dried feast for dinner, including crunchy desiccated Italian meatballs with aridized gelatinous spinach, one of our favorites! Then this white-furred ape-man creature appears and makes loud 'oooh wooo hooo' noises, runs down the hill, grabs our dinner bag and takes off towards the Pacific Crest Trail." said one victim, "Man was I upset, that ape creature stole our scientifically designed meal! We had to go back to Dunsmuir that night, forcing ourselves to eat flame-broiled filet mignon drenched in hollandaise sauce. Substantial Wente red wine was required to calm our nerves. It was a terrible disappointment. That Bigfoot is a culinary thief!"
Dr. Karl Blinng, Director of the YETI not SETI Institute in semi-remarkable Yuba City, California, was queasey. "Serves those dumb backpackers right, trying to eat food God never meant to have freeze dried! I just hope that demented Sasquatch doesn't suffer serious digestion issues.", Blinng stated, "During those weeks of being experimented upon with freeze-dried 'food' during my Alien UFO abduction experience, only strawberry ice cream came close to the real thing. You know why the Apollo Moon Project was cancelled? The astronauts hated freeze-dried food so much they went on strike! Space-Food sticks... they make you sick! Bleh!"
"All this talk of food is making me hungry... you bring any Vienna Sausages?"